Steven Eastmond delivered an inspiring Campus Education Week lecture on Wednesday titled, “Living After the Manner of Happiness: Good Guilt, Bad Guilt – You Mean I Don’t Have to Feel Guilty for Everything?”
It is common for people to feel guilt when they haven’t done anything wrong. Elder Jeffery R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said the commandment we violate the most is to be of good cheer. Allowing ourselves to feel guilty when we are not at fault does not put us in a position to be happy or to lift up those around us.
Guilt is not always the correct emotion, but it is commonly abused. If one chooses to feel guilty, the brain tries to find what it did wrong. If nothing’s wrong, the brain will constantly be searching and guilt will persist.
“Guilt helps identify bad behavior and motivates us to stop doing it, that is all,” Eastmond declared.
So what if one has done something wrong? There are two forms of guilt to choose from: remorse or shame. Eastmond stated the difference between the two is black and white. Guilt is a gift, but only if one chooses the correct form.
Remorse is a form of guilt that God intends for us to feel when we have done something wrong. The purpose and focus of remorse is change. It results in motivation, inspiration and hope. Remorse is a positive emotion that is grounded in the Atonement, the ultimate difference between remorse and shame. It still brings pain because we feel bad that our Savior had to suffer for what we did. However, He has already paid the price for it. He wants us to repent and move on.
A perfect example of someone who showed remorse was Alma the Younger. Once a rebel against the church, Alma did many things to defy the Lord. After he returned to the gospel, he felt deep remorse for the things he had done.
In Mosiah 27:29 he said, “My soul was racked with eternal torment; but I am snatched, and my soul is pained no more.” Feeling remorse for his sins was painful, but it subsided and he felt peace.”
Shame is the negative version of guilt. It is focused on the past and on the person, which means it is self-deprecating. Shame results in depression, feeling stuck and feeling hopeless. It works against motivation and change. Most of all, it goes against the Atonement.
“Lucifer has figured out how to use a counterfeit to the proper form of guilt,” Eastmond said.
Satan tempts us with sin and then, once we have given in, he turns around and shames us. It is a trick that he successfully uses over and over again. The Lord wants to forgive us, but if we choose to feel shame then we can’t do what we need to qualify for His forgiveness.
To help us to choose remorse, Eastmond offered a few points of advice. We should utilize the Atonement. God has already saved us; we have to do what we need to in order to access that. Don’t compare yourself to others, no one is perfect and everyone has problems. The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but their water bill is probably much higher. It is OK to forget the sin. The memory won’t go away, but you can’t let the sin and guilt define you.
So when is it time to let go of the guilt? When remorse sets in, take action and begin the path to correct behavior.
