Attention runners


I was minding my own business as I walked to class from the south end of campus. I could hear footsteps behind me, rapidly approaching, but I figured this person was in a hurry to make it to the Testing Center before a deadline. As I started to walk past the testing center, I felt like I was hit by a brick wall, and it wasn’t the normal stomach wrenching feeling I get whenever I get near that dreadful building. It hurt more than that. A lot more.

I picked myself up off the walkway and turned to see what had hit me with such force. I was shocked to see it was a size two girl in her shorts and tank top.

“I’m so sorry,” the girl said. Then she added, “I was trying to pick a different song on my iPod and didn’t see you.”

Fortunately, I was able to restrain my sharp tongue, which normally flies rather freely when people do things that anger me. As she put her headphones back in and continued her jog through campus with her two sidekicks following just behind, I wanted to chase her down and tell her how ridiculous it was that she was running on campus, but the shoes I was wearing wouldn’t allow such antics.

Needless to say, I’m now going to tell that girl, along with all the other runners on campus, how I feel about their exercise routine. Please stop, just stop it. There is no need to be running on campus. On the sidewalks bordering campus? Sure. A jog up to the temple? Great. A beautiful run along the Provo River? Even better.

I just don’t understand why I see people running through Brigham Square. I know for a fact there are several running trails in Provo and there is even an indoor and outdoor track. So why do I see all these people running circles around the SWKT?

The day I was rammed by that girl, I started to think about the reasons why someone would go on their daily jog up to the library and back. Here are a list of my theories concerning those of you who run on campus:

First, you desperately want people to see you in those running shorts since you can’t wear them to class. Oh, it isn’t just the girls, I have seen my share of young men sporting them, too. We get it, you have nice legs. However, in the thick of winter semester when you haven’t seen the sun in months, I don’t want to see them. You’re blinding us all.

Second, you want people to know you are fit, but there is a problem. If you are actually into fitness, you would want to go on an actual run that would actually help you get into shape. This whole running for a few steps, then having to stutter step around a group of walking students, then having to walk all together when masses of people flood the walkways during passing periods isn’t going to cut it. Stop trying to fool us, it’s not working.

Lastly, you want a date or some attention. Real bad. Why else would you be trying to impress us all with your fit lifestyle and neon running attire? I get that the pressure to get hitched around these parts can be unbearable at times, but this is not the answer.

That being said, I know some people like to run up the stairs down by the Smith Fieldhouse, and I’m cool with that. Just don’t do it at 11 in the morning when every student and their roommate is on campus. You are in the way.

Now that I am done complaining, I have a solution. If you actually want to get in shape and run, there are trails and hills all over Provo to enjoy. There are also dozens of races held locally as well, sign up and train for it. If you want people to buy into the whole “I’m a healthy person” thing, then buy your lunch at the Subway in the Cougareat instead of Taco Bell. If you want that date or attention, workout in the student gym or the track. I’m sure people will still admire your cool Nike outfit.

Whatever you decide, just please stop running on campus during the peak hours when there are literally thousands of students walking from building to building. I beg of you.

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