Spencer Hirschi felt a little lonely when one of his roommates got engaged, but when all three of his roommates got engaged he knew his roommate relationships would not be the same.
When couples get engaged or married, their single friends sometimes struggle to accept the change of friendship.
Hirschi, a senior studying biochemistry, described that his relationships with his roommates were all very different.
“One of the couples I never ever saw,” Hirschi said. “The other one was at the apartment but whenever she was there it was like I was there but not really. And the other one was just like having my best friends in the room all the time.”
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[/media-credit]After his experience, he believes it is possible to maintain friendships with engaged couples.
“I think it’s absolutely possible but it’s a choice,” Hirschi said. “It’s easy to get sucked into a two-person world in an engaged or dating situation.”
One of Hirschi’s former roommates was married in August. Caleb Cox, 23, from Louisville, Colo., said maintaining relationships with his male friends is easier than his single female friends.
“If you’re friends with someone of the opposite gender and you are both single, neither of you are really worried about flirting with the other,” Cox said. “If you happen to flirt, you happen to flirt, but when you’re married it’s different. It’s been remarkably easier to maintain the friendships with my male friends than with my female single friends.”
Desiree Winters, 21, majoring in biophysics, is on the opposite side of the spectrum as Cox. She is not married but said she finds it easy to be friends with married males.
“In my major there are a lot of married guys but I feel like I can be friends with them,” Winters said. “In a way, it’s more relaxed and easier because I don’t have to worry about any ulterior intentions.”
Winters said being friends with both members of the couple is a huge help for her adjusting to her friends getting married. She described one instance where this happened.
“It’s kind of the same as before but now, instead of just dating, they’re actually married,” Winters said. “It’s like the real deal, but it’s funny because in a way it’s not any different than it was before.”
Mariah Gibbs, a senior studying early childhood education, has been on both sides of the spectrum. Right after Gibbs went through a breakup, her brother and her best friend got married.
“It did feel like I had been replaced because I was,” Gibbs said.”They had that person that was special that they could talk to about anything and it felt like I wasn’t needed anymore, but now I know that’s not the case.”
Now Gibbs is married and said she understands the differences of being married, but some of her old roommates have still struggled with the transition.
“It’s almost like they still want to be roommates, but we’re not living together anymore,” Gibbs said. “There’s frustrations expressed sometimes, but you just have to make time for them. You don’t have to disappear just because you’re married. You still need time to be with friends.”
Emily Fenn, 21, studying special education, said she understands people can have difficulties switching to having married friends, but that can be resolved by just letting go.
“I would love to be there for my single friends at any time,” Fenn said. “But now I’m focusing on my eternal partner and our family. I recommend that people who may have trouble with seeing their married friends move on and focus on their life and making new friends.”
