“Close your mouth, son. He thinks he’s staring at a Mexican kitchen.” — Richard Simmons, to a Daily Universe reporter who recently worked out with him in Beverly Hills. Simmons was dressed in a multicolored, ruffled, sequined tank top.
“Police did not need to be called, especially since it was definitely not an out-of-control party. Just a normal college — and by college I mean normal BYU — party.” — Angela Rowberry, on a party she hosted that Provo police shut down
“Watching their failures makes my dating conquests that much more enjoyable.” — Jason Woodward, on watching the ABC reality series “The Bachelor”
“I was nervous when she came in for cleaning check, because there’s no way to hide [a parrot].” — Alan Dennis, on the possible conflict between contracted housing management and his pet parrot, named Goose
“I told a girl she was fat and needed to go to the gym. I would never say that in person.” — Richard Boyce, on the boldness he exhibits in text messages