By Michael Koberlein
And it came to pass that BYU students were commanded to multiply and replenish the earth. And they begat many sons and daughters?
Newly married students at BYU meet emotional, physical and financial concerns in deciding when to have children.
Michael and Rhonda Turner remember the decision they made more than three years ago to have children while attending BYU.
?We knew we wanted to have kids,? Rhonda said. ?It was just a matter of time.? Today, she is the mother of Isaac and Shad.
Michael and Rhonda married in June 2001, and before their first anniversary, Isaac was born. Shad followed 17 months later while Michael, now 25, continued to take demanding biochemistry classes.
?The adjustment is an adjustment of faith,? Michael said. ?If you make fatherhood and being a husband a top priority, the Lord will take care of the rest.?
Rhonda, 24, said making the adjustment from being a working wife to a stay-at-home mom was depressing at first, but both she and Michael agree they have accomplished more with children than they would have without them.
Michael said many reasons exist not to have kids, but all the reasons they could come up with were selfish; however, he said family planning is an individual choice.
?I think following the Spirit regarding your family is for everyone,? Michael said. ?The counsel has been … to not wait for financial stability to have a family.?
Michael has been accepted to one of the Ivy League schools in the nation, and is grateful for having chosen to start his family now.
?We?re not going to Yale because of my grades and my test scores,? Michael said. ?The Lord makes more of us than we can of ourselves.?
Although the Turner?s experience is unique to them, others share similar emotions.
Nicolle Buckmiller, a graduate student intern at BYU?s Marriage and Family Therapy Clinic, said some clients come in with concerns about having a baby.
?A lot of the student body wants to be very prepared for parenting,? she said. ?They?re worried about an increase of responsibility and how they will handle it.?
Buckmiller said the age of people getting married is rising nationally, and that would probably influence the number of children being born.
Getting married later is a general trend in society, said Larry Nelson, assistant professor of Marriage, Family and Human Development.
?In the LDS culture, I believe young people are heeding the direction to marry the right person, at the right time, in the right place, rather than rushing into marriage just to marry,? he said.
Nelson said in the general population, research shows a decline in marital satisfaction after the birth of a baby.
?It?s because of the amount of work and effort involved with raising a child,? he said. ?Having a baby is stressful on a marriage because you have to deal with the division of household labor, trying to find time to be together and financial stress.?
Nelson said those who have strong marriages are able to cope with the difficulties a child initially brings and experience joy, but everyone has their trials.
He said couples planning to have a baby should follow the counsel found in ?The Family: A Proclamation to the World.?
?I think the factors that individuals should look at are being prepared emotionally and spiritually to be good parents,? Nelson said. ?As the proclamation counsels: us every child has the right to be born to parents ?who honor marital vows? and [who] raise them in ?love and righteousness.??
Twenty-four-year-old Matt Campbell, an accounting major, said parents should look at the financial aspect of having a baby.
?The first thing you have to think about is the medical bills,? Campbell said. ?It is important to have insurance. Most students qualify for Medicaid. It seems like college students are the only ones who use Medicaid for its required purpose: to help struggling families get back on their feet.?
Campbell, who will work for Goldman Sachs in July, also said earned income credit compensates the working class or working poor. Its compensation is based on how much money a person makes. One child would yield a tax break of $2,604. With more children, the refund increases.
Campbell said another plus is more children can merit more funds from the government.
?You?re more likely to get a government grant,? he said. ?Less money will be withheld from your paycheck for federal taxes because you have more dependents in your home.?
Campbell, who has a 17-month-old son, said babies aren?t as expensive as people think. Parents can get clothes from family and friends, and can purchase a couple of bottles. If the mother is breastfeeding ? initially, they don?t have to buy any food.
He said the most important thing when planning to have a child is to budget well.
?Be realistic about expenses, needs and wants,? Campbell said. ?You realize you don?t need as much as you thought you did.?
Aside from the financial aspects, spouses need to consider the health of the mother. Female students who have babies while at BYU have an advantage because of their youth.
?They certainly have the energy to chase a child,? said BYU Health Center Medical Director Dr. Gus Hoffman. ?There is also an increased risk for the general population of getting Down syndrome and malformations after the age of 36.?
Another aspect that needs consideration is the nature of the parent?s relationship. Hoffman agrees with other experts and said it is easy to assimilate a child into the family for some, but hard for others.
If the relationship between husband and wife is good and the mother?s health is good there is no medical reason to postpone having children, Hoffman said.
?They just have to realize they?re in a high-stress situation going to college and finding a job,? he said. ?If their marriage is having problems, having a child is not going to keep them together. Children don?t keep a marriage together.?
