By Mary Deardeuff
Attention all you graduating college seniors out there: Don”t do it!
Go back to school, get a second major, a master”s, anything.
I”m speaking to you from the real world, and believe me, it is scary.
Ever since BYU gently prodded me out the Marriott Center doors in April, I have been in a state of blind panic.
I walk around in a daze, wondering where my class schedule is and looking subconsciously for the library.
Meanwhile, I hunt for a job. Or as I prefer to call it, I try to decide which company will be most blessed by my addition.
No one warned me that this would come. I thought I would graduate and be given the world on a platter.
Technically the world is out there for me to conquer, but not having a steady income makes that slightly harder. And I”ve been foolishly squandering my savings on things like food and dollar movies.
Lest anyone think I”m a bum –
one of those graduates who hangs around their old school like a parasite – here”s a sample of my typical day:
9:56 a.m.: Realize the sun is shining and get out of bed. Head to the pool.
10 a.m. – 2 p.m.: The sun”s prime hours. Spend most of it at the pool.
Early afternoon: watch a few M*A*S*H episodes. Ever since I realized that the show comes on FOX and FX all the time, my life has taken on new meaning.
3:14 p.m.: Realize I can”t live like this much longer. Think of going back to the pool. Instead, I head up to campus to use the Internet in my favorite place, the newsroom, to hunt for a job and make some calls.
I run into old acquaintances every few feet and fend off comments like, “Say, didn”t you graduate?” “Whoa, I thought you left.” “You”re back now? Cool.”
I mumble that I was gone on an internship for 20/20 in New York for Spring Term but yes, now I”m back. I give different excuses like all my stuff”s here, it”s home base, I”m making resume tapes, working my contacts at local stations, etc.
They don”t believe me. I can see it in their eyes.
“She”s such a bum. A college graduate without a job. Good thing that”s not us yet, because we”re smart. We are 25 years old and still in school. It”s safer here.”
6 p.m.: Had enough job hunting. Debate going back to the pool or watching M*A*S*H. Wonder how I can do both at the same time.
8:02 p.m.: Head over to friends” house and sit on their couch. Lament the fact that though a broadcast journalism major seems to lead directly to a career, all the stations just aren”t hiring right now. Receive pitying glances.
12:37 a.m.: Come up with a solution to facing the real world. It”s brilliant! It”s even better than going back home to live with mom and dad, or finding an investment banking major to be my sugar daddy. I”m going to take the GRE and go to graduate school. Maybe I can study by the pool.
Mary is a 21-year-old college graduate from Jamesport, Missouri. If you have a job, she”s willing and able.
