By Julia Leaman
With October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Heidi Lindorf and Samantha Rushton, graduate students of marriage and family therapy of the Women’s Resources and Services, presented a lecture series called Students Against Violent Environments.
Thursday, Oct. 19, in the Wilkinson Student Center the pair spoke about boundaries and creating healthy relationships.
Previous presentations focused on violence in marriage and acquaintance rape.
They said the violation of boundaries is at the root of violence.
In the same genre, they also said the identification and communication of boundaries is at the heart of a healthy relationship.
“We all have problems identifying our boundaries and figuring out how to communicate them to others,” Lindorf said.
Lindorf and Rushton asked several questions leading to group discussion on boundaries.
Lindorf said individuals have many rights, specifically in a relationship.
They have the right to ask for what they want, to ask for information, to change your mind, to feel good about yourself, to be heard, to be taken seriously, to set priorities and to say no without feeling guilty, Lindorf said.
Jayne West, 24, a senior from Redlands, Calif. majoring in sociology teaching, said individuals also should have the right to feel comfortable and to be completely themselves.
Rushton said one of the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship is when you always feel uncomfortable around someone.
“We can feel things intuitively,” Rushton said.
These issues are not just girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife relationships but with friends and family members, Rushton said.
“It can extend beyond dating and intimate relationships,” Lindorf said.
“Sometimes it takes an outside source to help you realize what is going on with a relationship,” said Kristi Demille, 18, a sophomore from Orem majoring in child psychology.
Students who came to the presentation participated in role-plays, visualizing what they would do in certain situations.
Rushton said individuals who are not interested in another should say they are not interested from the beginning.
Lindorf said you have to know what your boundaries are and what others are.
“It might take practice to state your boundaries from the beginning,” Rushton said.
Rushton said individuals should set limits without having to feel guilty but feeling good about them.
There are two different types of boundaries: rigid and collapsed. Collapsed boundaries are permeable where people feel like they can’t say no, while rigid are boundaries that are secure and impermeable, maybe even too rigid, Lindorf said.
