By Anne Hansen
From Martha Stewart to Emily Post, everyone has advice on wedding etiquette.
“For me, etiquette is fabulous because it establishes standards,” said Amy Gines, 25, a junior from Riverton, Utah, majoring in health education.
“You don’t necessarily have to stick to it,” she said. “It’s a skeletal standard. You can take what seems to suit your needs.”
Advice columnists have something to say about everything from announcements to how to deal with a male maid-of-honor or a female best man.
Some advice does not apply to LDS students, while other advice is simply different in the BYU world.
Many BYU students are surprised to hear that outside of the LDS church, invitations – not announcements – are sent out before the wedding, and most invitations do not include photographs.
Holly Papa and her husband sent pictures with their announcements and included separate inserts for those who were invited to the wedding ceremony inside the temple.
“It was the thing to do,” said Papa, 22, a BYU graduate from Boise, Idaho. “We wanted everybody to see who we were marrying.”
Other students see added pictures as a cultural difference.
“I think it shows the importance of the family and allows the couple to personalize their invitations,” said Dezi Lynn, 20, a junior from Page, Ariz., majoring in English teaching.
The long distances between BYU and the couple’s family may create a need for including pictures.
“If people already know the guy, a picture would not be necessary,” Lynn said.
Another difference between American etiquette and LDS traditions and is the location of receptions.
Outside of the LDS church, people would rarely see a reception in a gym. However, for LDS couples, this is normal.
“You can decorate a cultural hall and make it look really beautiful,” said Brianne Adison, 20, a junior from Castle Dale, Emery County, majoring in marriage, family, and human development.
“Where I come from, a reception is either there (in a cultural hall) or in someone’s living room,” Adison said.
Cost can also be a factor in choosing to have a reception in the cultural hall. Gines decided on the cultural hall for “financial reasons.” Other students opt for places in the community or outdoors.
Krystal Trapnell, 20, a junior from St. George, Washington County, majoring in elementary education, had her reception in a convention center ballroom.
“We wanted it to be more nice – not a traditional Mormon wedding,” Trapnell said.
Non-LDS receptions may include a dollar dance, where the bride dances with men who pay in cash to dance with her, as an addition to gifts.
According to Melanie Pousard in her book “The LDS Bride’s Guide,” “The worldly custom of a ‘dollar dance’ … is not appropriate at a reception celebrating a temple marriage.”
Trapnell said she did not consider the idea of a dollar dance.
“It seems kind of tacky. I wanted my reception to be more formal – not showy,” she said.
The most important aspect in a wedding planning, all etiquette aside, is that the future bride and groom are happy with the results.
“Remember that your wedding day is not a social experience with a tinge of the spiritual, but rather it is a spiritual experience with a tinge of the social,” wrote Elder Cree-L Kofford of the Seventy, in a letter to his granddaughter, used in the July 1998 Ensign.
