By Anthony Strike
In today’s fast-paced world, a focus on career and the allure of big paychecks may sometimes edge out families and children on the priority lists of many couples.
At last week’s 12th annual Family Expo experts gathered on campus to discuss issues facing families, including the issue of having children.
David Dollahite, a professor of family life at BYU, said that in spite of worldly trends, couples should remember how important children are to their development individually and as a couple.
“Children unite couples,” Dollahite said. “They help couples get beyond themselves. When people are first married, there is a very understandable and beautiful focus on each other and the marriage. It’s wonderful and intense and romantic and great, but when a marriage has children, it allows that marriage to grow beyond itself.”
Dollahite, co-editor of the new book “Helping and Healing Our Families: Principles and Practices Inspired by ‘The Family: A Proclamation to the World,'” said parent-child relationships are not one-way when it comes to instruction.
“Parents help children grow up, but children also help parents grow up,” Dollahite said. “Raising children is not for the faint of heart nor for those who want to ‘veg’ around and relax. They cause a loss of sleep, comfort and hair, but the challenges are part of what help us grow.”
Gawain Wells, chairman of the psychology department at BYU and one of the speakers at the Family Expo, said couples should talk together and pray about when to have children.
“I think the Lord would be anxious to provide couples counsel and guidance,” Wells said. “The Lord has already set forth some guidance for couples in that area.”
Some of that guidance came from Quorum of the Twelve member, Elder Dallin H. Oaks, who said in a 1993 general conference address, “Faithful Latter-day Saints cannot afford to look upon children as an interference with what the world calls ‘self-fulfillment.'”
Additionally, in “The Proclamation on the Family” the First Presidency said, “We declare that God’s commandment for his children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.”
For many LDS couples, adhering to Elder Oaks’ counsel can be a sacrifice but the benefits make the sacrifice worthwhile.
Andi Smith, a senior from Rockwall, Texas, majoring in political science, said starting a family, though challenging, has been the right thing for her and her husband.
“Having a child opens up another side of love that you don’t experience just with your spouse,” Smith said.
She also added that having a child helped her and her husband grow closer to each other.
“Experiencing that new kind of love also helps you love your spouse in new ways too,” Smith said. “Serving others, especially your child, helps you see a different side of each other.”
That new perspective is what couples miss when they postpone children, Dollahite said.
“It is understandable why people put off having children,” Dollahite said. “Many people think life can be good when you both have good jobs, you’re driving a nice car and you have the freedom to travel, but putting children off for those reasons will deprive couples of the opportunity to see what more their marriage could be.”
