Readers’ Forum: 8/6/19

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Spring ring or spring fling?

When I got into BYU, I could almost guarantee that telling someone about my
acceptance would lead to the following question in some form: “When do you plan on getting married?” I heard jokes about the “spring ring,” and people made guesses of how short of a time I would be here before meeting someone, dating them and getting engaged.

While I want to find the love of my life, my eternal companion and my soulmate, I want
to do it on my own time. I want to be free of peer pressure or cultural influence that would make me feel like I had to get married before I was ready.

I think people should date longer before getting engaged. By extending the timeline beyond what is typical at BYU, individuals are allowed to focus more on creating genuine relationships and love rather than rushing into something only to regret it later. This means dating different people and dating people longer. Dating someone allows you to get to know someone without a countdown to marriage or a rush to get married. Dating removes a lot of pressure and will let you build a genuine friendship and relationship before you say “I do.” So I ask, what’s the harm in waiting — in spending more time learning about each other before you spend forever together? If they are the one, they are the one. Patience and time will only prove that to you further.

—Allie Melanson
Austin, Texas

Expectations in relationships

In my personal experience with relationships, I have found that people get into relationships with too high of expectations. The majority of people expect too much out of their partner and fail to realize the importance of what their significant other is doing for the relationship. I believe that you should be thankful for what you receive from that person.

It is never good to go into a relationship expecting too much from someone. For me, expecting nothing from someone is the best thing to do because you don’t have to worry about what they’re going to do.

About four years ago, I was in a relationship for two years because I didn’t expect a lot from her, and she didn’t expect a lot from me, either. We first met in junior high, and we were friends in the blink of an eye; then friends turned to close friends, and shortly after, we started a healthy relationship. We told each other everything, even the bad news. At the end of the day, we were both thankful that we would tell each other everything, no matter how bad it was. Coming up on a successful two years, I still didn’t have unrealistic expectations for our relationship.

High expectations are poison to a relationship like kryptonite is to Superman. The best advice I have is not to expect the world from your partner and to be thankful for what they do for you.

—Keanu Hill
Euless, Texas

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