By Kyle Monson
To prove our love for you, The Bubble staff (actually, just me) pored over the BYU student directory to find the perfect names for our 'famous names' issue. It took quite a bit of time and aspirin, but it was a great learning experience. Here are some of the useful things I learned about our student body here at BYU.
There are 18 people with the last name of 'Funk.' This flies in the face of critics who call us a 'white bread' school. We''ve got the whole funk family - even a 'P. Funk' (Peter Funk''s parents had soul). It doesn''t get much better than that, folks.
BYU doesn''t have a Sammy Sosa or a Barry Bonds, but there is a Mark McGuire.
Fans of '24' will be excited to learn that BYU has our very own Kim Bower. I''m sure she''d make a great addition to your season premiere party next week, if she doesn''t get wrongly arrested or attacked by a mountain lion first.
Jennifer Lopez is at BYU, but Ben Affleck isn''t. That makes sense, though, because The Enquirer said they broke up for good last week.
There''s no 'John Doe,' nor is there a 'Jane Doe.' There is, however, a Sang Doe (no relation).
Holly Golightly goes to BYU, but when I called her for comment, she didn''t answer her phone. Figures, she probably misplaced it.
For those who say there isn''t any diversity at BYU, even a casual flip through the student directory suggests otherwise. We''ve got names from every corner of the globe in there.
Oddly enough, there''s no Melvin Ballard, LeGrand Richards, Lorenzo Snow or Orson Hyde. We couldn''t find a Parley Pratt, either. Isn''t that strange?
So next time you''re bored on a rainy day, you''ll know not to turn to your student directory for entertainment. The Bubble did it for you (and it''s not that entertaining).