Sometimes I think creating a football team composed entirely of Matt Payne clones would not be such a bad idea. By sometimes I mean always. I know it's still probably a tender issue, but let's take a look at the BYU/CSU game last Thursday. I'd hazard a guess that had Payne not played, the score would have been something closer to 65-0.
Matt Payne showed that he was a force to be reckoned with both in chalking up points and knocking CSU's Dexter Wynn flat on his buttocks.
Imagine what a whole team of Paynes could do!
Our slogan to kick off the project could be 'More Payne = More Pain...for them.' This might sound like a kooky idea, but my friends and I have exhaustively sampled and surveyed fellow BYU fans about it. Okay, maybe it wasn't so much exhaustive sampling and surveying as it was our shouting our ideals at the football game.
However, the point still stands that if we don't want to leave intercollegiate athletic events with our tails between our legs, cloning Matt Payne is virtually the only option.
In addition, as long as we don't have any qualms about cloning, I say we take a crack at genetically engineering our 'Army of Pain' as well. Suppose we were to infuse into their genes the speed and agility of Reynaldo Brathwaite and, just for laughs, the clever wit of Cosmo
the Cougar.
Our clones could kick the ball a mile, run a 95-yard touchdown and never once throw me a t-shirt all at the same time!
My fellow fans, the solution we've all been hoping for is finally here - do BYU a favor and join the Clone Matt Payne CamPayne today!
Matt Reichman
Broomfield, CO