By Erin Johnson
Although Marilyn Bateman may not be in the spotlight as often as her husband, she has been a dynamic part of the Bateman duo that has led BYU for the past seven and a half years.
Sister Bateman was born in Logan and married President Bateman in 1959. The Batemans now have seven children and 28 grandchildren. She attended BYU, the University of Utah, and the LDS Business College, where she was awarded a distinguished Alumni award.
Sister Bateman has served in the community as PTA president, a Curriculum Committee member for the Provo School District, and as a board member of the Utah County Symphony Guild. She also served as a district missionary, stake Young Women''s President, and a counselor in the Young Women?s and Relief Society stake presidencies.
After years of caring for and learning about BYU, Sister Bateman had a few words of wisdom and remembrance about her time as First Lady of BYU.
When you reflect back on when Pres. Bateman was called to be the president, what was your initial reaction?
My initial reaction was just total shock and fear in a way, but excitement too. You put yourself in a situation where you''re a little bit out of your own element and it does create fearful feelings within you. I don''t know. Now that it''s over with I don''t know why I felt fear, but I did.
How do you feel now, 7 1/2 years later?
Oh, it''s been a wonderful experience, it really has. We''ve enjoyed it very much. No more fear. It''s just the unknown that always makes you feel that way. It''s like when my husband was assigned to go to Tokyo with the area president. I thought, I can''t go Tokyo, I don''t know how to speak Japanese. So you are fearful and that''s kind of what I thought, you know, Oh, I don''t know how to speak to all those kids on campus. It''s just a change, an adjustment.
How did you make that changed, or was it just an adjustment?
It was so natural. The first thing I thought to myself after I stewed about it. Well I didn''t really stew. The first thing I thought about it when we realized this was really going to happen was just be yourself. That''s the secret of everything you do - just be yourself. I think it worked.
When President Bateman first got the calling did you see it more of his calling or a joint effort?
We''ve tried to make it a joint calling for both of us. Obviously, there are things that he had primary responsibility for in terms of the university itself. But in terms of the way in which we interacted with people and hosted people and in terms of the activities we were involved in, it was a team thing. My husband''s always like that anyway. He''s great that way.
So what things did you get to do specifically?
Many of the things that I''ve just mentioned, hosting. One of the things that I''ve done is represent the university as the First Lady of the university at Women''s Conference and that''s been enjoyable. And, really and truly it''s basically been the hosting and the activities and the traveling and the meeting of people wherever we travel. I haven''t really gotten into the detail of the running of the university itself and that kind of thing.
Does President Bateman involved you in any decision making?
You know what, he''s a very good decision maker. But he runs by me, he runs everything that he''s ever thought of, you know like when he''s doing a talk or thinking of things that need to be changed. I''m just kind of the ear that helps him to formulate his ideas and thoughts.
What do you think of the saying that behind every good man there is a better woman?
Well, that''s not necessarily the case. He''s been a busy professional person in whatever he''s done and I''ve really spent my whole life with our family. We''ve got 7 children and that''s been my focus for the past, well 40 years actually. We had children in our home for about 40 years. I''ve loved every minute of it and here again we''ve talked about the family just as we''ve talked about the things he was doing. It''s worked well. We''ve tried to be a team in the directions that we''ve gone. We''ve been freer during this time to be together than we ever have been.
Why is that?
Well, our youngest child married and left home and that freed me up a lot in terms of responsibilities at home.
How has your marriage changed at all while President Bateman has been at BYU?
I don''t think it''s been affected. If anything it''s been affected in a positive way. Uh-huh. Yea, I would say yes that it has. But you know it has been pretty much the same relationship.
Has President Bateman changed at all during his time as President?
Well I''ve seen him in a different capacity. For instance, it''s been interesting to see him on campus during these years as he greets students and stops and talks to them and has really enjoyed his association with them. And of course I''ve never seen him in that kind of setting ever before except among our children and their friends. So that''s been a fun thing to see him do that. You know anytime you''re in a situation where you''re meeting new people, whether it be students like I''ve just mentioned or just people in general that work with you and it''s a positive thing that''s going on, I think it helps you in terms of doing the work that you need to do.
How much interaction have you had with students?
Well, whenever I was on campus I had an opportunity to. I enjoyed that very much.
So will you come back and visit?
Well, we will. We don''t live that far from BYU. I hope that we can come back, but he''ll receive another assignment that will take us in another direction to a large extent. But you know what, it won''t be quite the same. We sot of feel a real ownership down there at this point in time and a special relationship with the students. And once we leave it will be turned over to someone else. And we realized that. You know, that''s the hard part about leaving.
Are you sad to leave? What are your emotions?
They are very mixed. It''s like sending your son on a mission, where you have these, what do they call it? Bittersweet feelings. You just hate it to happen but you realize that it''s time to move on and do other things and let somebody else take over with their new ideas and way of doing things.
What advice would you have for Sister Samuelson?
Oh my advice to her is to get to know the young people, the students. To really appreciate the power of the gospel in their lives and how they live, most of them, live according to those things that are so special to us and so special to BYU. And she will, it will be a natural thing to do that. You know you can hear about BYU. You can have many people tell you about BYU and tell you about what a great place. But you really honestly have to come to BYU, to be on campus, to be on campus, to be around the young people, to be around the faculty and staff people to appreciate the power that comes through the gospel and living the gospel and all of us believing and trying to live the same way. There''s just real power that''s there and you have to be there, you have to be a part of it.
You gave a talk at a Women''s Conference about the 4 patterns of righteousness - service, prayer, scriptures and righteous traditions... Is there anything from that you''d like to leave with students?
Well I think that they are the basic things that make your life good, that bring joy into your life and keep you close to Heavenly Father, and to keep you happy in your own life. We think that happiness sometimes is doing things. But there''s some basic things we need to do to keep our lives whole. I guess the older we get you realize that that really is true. We talked about scriptures and prayer and family traditions. We feel very strongly about family traditions in our home. And we now see many of these traditions being carried out in the families of our children. And that''s very satisfying. I really honestly think that prayer and scripture reading is so basic. And as you marry and have your own family you need to develop traditions within your family, the family you and your husband have, or you and your wife have that are yours, not necessarily some that have come from somewhere else. That they are yours. That they pull your family together.
What do you think I something students would want to know about President Bateman that they don''t usually get a chance to see?
I want them to know that we have a lot of love and respect for each other, but that marriage is not an instant success necessarily. It''s something that takes many years of devotion and give and take. And although we''ve never had any real problems in our marriage, there''s been a lot of give and take and we''ve had to learn that. And to let them know that also, life happens bits by bit, it isn''t an instant thing in terms of gratifying your desires and needs. The greatest joys you''ll have is having our family and keeping the Lord in your life. I don''t know, I sound like I''m giving a 2 and a half minutes talk. But those are the things that rally matter to me.
My husband is very smart. He''s a really hard worker. I''ve always had a lot of confidence in the fact that he would be able to care for us as a family. I''ve always felt very safe and always felt that I would have an interesting and an adventuresome life, which I have had being married to him. But it''s also been a life of work and effort and kindness and goodness and forgiveness and all those things. You might just say we have a wonderful family.
Where are your children now?
We have 7 children and five of them live in the Utah Valley area. And then we have a daughter who lives in New Jersey an a son who''s at Tulane in New Orleans going to medical school. We have 28 grandchildren, two that were just recently born.
Do you feel like the students at BYU have become an extension of that family?
Oh yes, without doubt. You know you hope for their success at BYU just as you hope for your own children''s success. I guess I can''t say it enough times how much we''ve enjoyed our associations at BYU. Obviously we''ve not had an opportunity to meet everyone. Merrill has more than I. But you know the ones that we have become associated with at activities, they''ve just been great, young people.
When you look back on the past 7 1/2 years, is there an experience that stands out?
Oh golly, there surely has been a lot of them. I remember the very first time I spoke at a Devotional. You know I told you about fear. It was overwhelming to me. But I just got through it and you know I haven''t spent my life being a public speaker so it was an adjustment to have that responsibility once or twice or year in that large of a setting. I do better than I did in the beginning, if that''s anything. And who can complain about that? You can be nothing but grateful to have improved on something like that. I remember when we went to the Cotton Bowl in football. That was really a fun time for the Cougars to win. We''ve always loved it when any of the brethren and their wives come to BYU. I tell you, even at this last Devotional when they announced the exchange, I looked out in the congregation and all the young men, almost all of them, had white shirts on. Most of the girls, as I noticed afterward, looked like they were in their best dresses and dressed nicely. I just thought I would cry. My buttons were just ready to burst because the Prophet was there and they wanted to be there, dressed up and prepared to meet him in the best light that they possibly could. And it was kind of the pride when your children do something right. I was just quite overcome. I thought it showed their respect towards him. I remember too, I think it was just within that first year that we came here, Margaret Thatcher came to BYU and that was a special time too.
Have there been any difficult aspects of being the wife of the President?
It basically has been all great. Sometime I was put in a situation that I wasn''t terribly comfortable in. But it''s okay, it worked out.
What has been your strength through all of the many calling President Bateman has had? What advice would you give to other women?
I think probably for me it is the gospel, the war we share the gospel together. Also, I''ve come to realize that some things that are hard an difficult, if you just take it a step at a time they turn out to be okay and generally speaking if you move forward you''ll find success in whatever you try to do. I also think the young women need to realize how happy they are in life will really depend on them. Every day we have the choice to be happy and you attract other people when you''re happy. You share happiness with other people if you have that feeling within you. But it comes from within. I try to keep a smile on my face most of the time because I want to represent that thinking.
What has been the guidance in your decisions about your family and for President Bateman about BYU?
Well, the gospel always comes first in our lives. There has been no question about that. My husband prays a lot for BYU. Just all along. He just felt like that he needed the Lord''s help and the school needed the Lord''s help as they went through different phases and different things that they were doing. Not ball games and things like that, just things they were trying to accomplish. I''ve often said to my husband over the years that we''ve been at BYU, you know, 'what are we going to talk about when we are no longer at BYU?' ''Cause really our talk just revolves around the school.
Do you think President Bateman will miss BYU?
Oh yes, he''ll miss it. But he also feels like it''s time for him to move on.
What do you hope is the legacy you''re leaving at BYU?
I''m sure they''ll think back on some of the things they''ve accomplished. Like the student mentored learning and what they''ve done with computer technology. We hope that people will have felt that the university is an arm of the church. That people will not just think of it as an academic institution but that they will feel and realize that it is an arm of the church and a very wonderful arm of the church and an area that we are able to do missionary work in ways that nobody else can do because it''s an academic institution. BYU is really a very well known university and well respected.
Is there anything you think BYU could do better at?
If you say anything at all you know you are just picking on a small percentage because most of the kids are just absolutely great. But there''s a very small percentage that want to fight against the honor code all the time and I often think to myself when they do it that one of these days they are going to become an old person like I am and they''re going to think back on those ridiculous things that they did and said. I really think that they will because they''ll see the value of the honor code and all that it stands for. But hey listen, I wouldn''t change a thing. I think it''s a great place.
How well do you know Elder and Sister Samuelson?
He''s been in the Seventies Quorum with my husband so we''ve known them for a couple of years. They''re delightful people. He''ll be a great president, he really will. He''ll do a great job. We need to change their blood from red to blue, but other than that -but I don''t think that''s hard to do. They''ll be here and what to do everything they can for the university. I think once they are here and with the students and see what is trying to be accomplished here on campus they''re not going to have any trouble at all. They are faithful members of the church. They''re great people.
What do you see in the future of BYU?
I think BYU will just continue to do what it''s doing and it''s getting a reputation even more than ever. And I think that as time goes on that will be even more obvious. I think that when you put your learning in partnership with the spirit that so much more can be accomplished and I think that most young people accept that in their life. We do things down there that they hardly ever dreamed about 10-12 years ago. Like for instance the super computers and all the work that is being done down there in that regard. Clear across the peripheral they''re just leaps and bounds ahead of any of the universities because of what''s being accomplished. But that brings me to another thought. We have many, many faithful people outside of BYU who want to be a part of it in some way and they''re very generous in their donations. And consequently there are many things that BYU does have because of the goodness of other members of the church, and even people outside of the church, who give to the university to help them accomplish the things they are accomplishing.