By Michael Hollingshead
Lately there''s been a lot of talk about the French and their resistance to the war. French this, French that - everyone thinks they have to take a side.
Unfortunately, in all the commotion we''ve forgotten about the Canadians.
The Canadians, my friends, are invading America.
They''re everywhere on campus, you just don''t know it because you can''t see them.
They blend in. They look the same, they act the same and they eat the same as everyone else. But they''re not the same, and they''ll be the first to tell you that.
I consider myself the Canadian expert, seeing as how I know so many of them. There are three Canadians in my ward alone.
I have classes with Canadians. I served my mission with Canadians. I even met two more this week!
As much as these fine feathered Canadians seem to disappear into the BYU scene, there are a few ways you can identify them, thus saving an embarrassing discussion about the lameness of hockey.
First, keep your eyes open and look out for the strategically placed Canadian Flags. Usually they''re only 5x7, and not very noticeable across the chest of their shirts or on the middle of their backpacks. They''re very secretive about this.
Second, listen for the occasional 'eh.' A wonderful interjection we all learned from the film 'Strange Brew', the use of 'eh' is a part of their identity. But be careful in mimicking; it is an art to be perfected.
Third, and most useful, listen to their strange choice of vocabulary. The kids from Canada have their own language. Mastering it is almost as impossible as understanding their fetish for beer.
Let me demonstrate:
There are no beanies in Canada, only touks. Going sledding? Nope, it''s tobogganing.
You don''t take tests, you write them. You don''t take a shower; you have one. (Where would you take it anyway?) And be sure to turn on the garbarator (garbage disposal) to grind up all your trash.
You don''t say flag, you say flage. (Just like bage, the real word for sack.) It''s not sorry, it''s so-ree, kind of like no-ree.
This just in! Results from last night''s big match: Pencil crayons 5, Colored pencils 0.
Couch? No, no, that''s a chesterfield.
And this is only the beginning. There is so much to learn about these maple leaf types, you might want to spend some quality time with one.
I''ve decided to take my own advice and cozy up with one, and she''s been teaching me everything I need to know from A to Zed.