In the last couple of days there have been hundreds of girls wearing stickers with very clear directions on them: 'Kiss me, I chose to give.' Being obedient this week on campus, I kissed 57 girls that I didn't know. The results have been unexpected. Thirty-eight girls slapped me on the face. Twelve stood there confused. Seven girls kissed me back, but I have had at least 18 lawyers leave messages on my answering machine to let me know I am having charges pressed against me for harassment.
All this is worth it, though, because the 57th girl I kissed asked me to marry her. Susan and I will be getting hitched on a reading day in April. She agrees with me that those other girls falsely advertised with those stickers.
Please think about what you are saying with what you wear. And hang on to those stickers because I will be using them as evidence in my defense in court.
BENJAMIN TRAVER
El Paso, Texas