For many young members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, an 18-month or 2-year mission marks the beginning of adulthood — but what happens when that service is cut short?
“In every way, I expected to stay serving a proselyting mission and I didn’t really see it on the horizon for me to switch to a service mission,” Ben Jensen, a Brigham Young University Idaho student, said. “It was really tricky when I got out into the mission field … I started to get really anxious about things. There was more rain clouds than sun ... and that’s kind of how I started to feel on the inside too.”
Jensen began his missionary service in the Boston, Massachusetts Mission as a proselyting missionary and finished as a service missionary in the Boise, Idaho Mission, returning home because of mental health struggles.
“It was not easy, but over the course of about 12 months, I felt like I was fully integrated into the service mission,” Jensen said. “I got to serve with other missionaries, I got to help at a food bank, a senior center, I got to teach art classes at a school and a whole lot of other cool service opportunities.”
Over time, Jensen realized his mission wasn’t about the location, but about being a disciple of Christ in everyday service.
“I realized that it doesn’t really matter where I am or what I’m doing. If I’m helping another person in any way, I’m being a missionary and I’m being a disciple of Jesus Christ,” Jensen said.
Though some missionaries who return home early choose to continue with a service mission, many others find the best decision for them is to complete their service at that time.
Brandon Walton’s mission in Birmingham, Alabama, ended after just two months when an ankle injury forced him to return home. Walton was given the option to return back to the mission field after recovering, but after much prayer, he made the decision not to return.
“I was really torn because I was worried about how it would look if I didn’t go back out, but I ultimately felt a lot of peace. I felt like the Lord was leaving it up to me,” Walton said.
Walton went on to say that his two months of missionary service were two of the best months of his life and that it was exactly as the Lord intended it to be.
“I received my patriarchal blessing before and my blessing made a bunch of promises about my mission and I saw every promise fulfilled in the two months I was out. I feel like the Lord took good care of me and I was right where he needed me to be the whole time, even if it wasn’t what I thought it would look like,” Walton said.
The Church has made great strides in supporting missionaries who return home early, but for Jon Alston, who returned home early from a mission in Mexico in 2004, the experience was isolating.
“I came home early, that’s not a thing that happened as often, especially because the reason I came home wasn’t because of illness, it was anxiety and depression,” Alston said.
Alston served in Mexico for about five weeks. Everyone around him spoke Spanish, including his mission president and trainer. He had no one to talk to, could only write to family, and began experiencing panic attacks.
“I think a big part of it for me was going from a life I understood to a life I did not understand and had no way of understanding. I think for a lot of missionaries, that culture shock just breaks them,” Alston said.
Alston went on to say that he believes that missions are not for everyone and that they are not a measure of your testimony.
“A mission is not important in the end, in my opinion. Missionary service is important for those who want to do it but it is not important for every single person to do because again, it can be detrimental more than it can be beneficial,” Alston said.
For Alston, that belief is tied to a broader understanding of his heavenly parents’ love.
“If we’re saying we have heavenly parents, our parents, who can love infinitely more than we can, are they really gauging our faith and spirituality based on whether we serve a mission or not? Absolutely not,” Alston said.
For Elders Jensen, Walton and Alston, their mission experiences were far from what they expected, yet each found meaning along the way. While missions are often seen as a defining step for young Latter-day Saints, their stories show how exhibiting faith and serving the Lord doesn’t look the same for everyone.