BYU religion professor Bryan B. Korth led a heartfelt discussion during his education week class titled “Wayward Family Members: Finding Hope in Jesus Christ and the Father’s Plan for our Children.”
The session began with Korth expressing solidarity with those in attendance, acknowledging that many carry burdens related to loved ones who have distanced themselves from the gospel.
“We’re all in the same boat together,” Korth said.
He acknowledged that many participants were dealing with similar heartaches concerning family members. In a survey conducted during the session, participants indicated that concerns for their children, siblings and spouses were heavy on their hearts.
“My heart weighs with your heart,” Korth said, sharing that he, too, faces the same trials many in the room were experiencing.
In an effort to combat the hopelessness and despair that can so easily grow in parents who struggle with children who have stepped away from the Church, Korth emphasized the gospel pattern of faith, hope, and charity. While some people will disconnect from both family and faith, efforts to heal family connections can provide the foundation for rebuilding faith for both the parents and children.
He also spoke about children who, due to mortal trails and challenges, waver and wander off the gospel path, leading to inactivity in the Church.
Central to Korth’s message was the concept of “educating righteous desires,” a theme introduced by Elder Neil L. Andersen of the Quorum of the Twelve in his recent BYU devotional. Korth encouraged participants to focus on their own spiritual growth and to refine their desires, even if family members are currently not on the covenant path.
“We educate our desires as we refine and purify our already righteous desires, as we strengthen who we are becoming,” he said.
This, Korth explained, should be done while respecting the agency of others — a principle central to God’s plan.
Korth also emphasized the importance of hope, even when the outlook seems bleak. He referred to the “cauldron of time and patience,” a metaphor used by Elder Andersen, to describe the refining process that families undergo.
While acknowledging the pain of watching loved ones struggle spiritually, Korth expressed confidence in God’s ultimate plan and His ability to “reclaim His children.” He reassured attendees that while their efforts are important, it is ultimately the Savior who will bring exaltation to their loved ones.
The discussion also touched on practical strategies for coping with despair. Korth encouraged participants to be open about their feelings, especially with trusted loved ones, but cautioned against allowing those conversations to become sources of mutual despair.
“Don’t let your conversations turn into a pity party and don’t just sit there wallowing in the despair together," he said. "Instead, look to Christ and His Atonement to lift each other and remind each other of His infinite love. That’s where real hope is found.”
A standout theme from Korth’s lesson was the concept of “staying by the tree,” inspired by the story of Lehi and the tree of life from the Book of Mormon. Korth painted a vivid picture of Lehi, who felt both the deep joy of the gospel and the heartbreak of watching his loved ones turn away from it. Yet, despite the pain, Lehi remained at the tree, continuing to partake in its blessings and inviting others to join him.
Korth connected this idea to the struggles many parents face today, watching their children stray from the faith. He advised parents to stay strong in their beliefs and set a positive example, even when it feels discouraging. By doing so, Korth suggested, parents can cultivate a sense of hope and Christlike love that might eventually bring their children back to the fold.
Korth suggested that when our children are struggling with discouragement and feelings of inadequacy that can lead to questioning one's faith, a powerful tool is to share with them the experiences of their grandparents and great-grandparents who experienced similar feelings but chose to keep trying. Sharing such experiences can allow extended family, even those on the other side of the veil, to help during these trying times.
Korth emphasized that while it may sometimes seem that our efforts as parents and mentors are in vain, the seeds of faith we plant can grow and flourish, even if the results are not immediately visible.
He cited the story of Alma the Younger, whose conversion was deeply influenced by the teachings of his father, as an example of how divine teachings can ultimately prevail over despair.
Korth concluded his class by reminding attendees of the "divine pattern" of parents teaching their children, a concept he connected to the teachings of Elder Dallin H. Oaks, first counselor in the First Presidency, and Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, President of the Quorum of the Twelve.
This pattern, according to Korth, is not arbitrary but central to the plan of salvation. It reflects the way God, as a perfect parent, teaches His children.
Korth highlighted a quote from President Boyd K. Packer who stated, "True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior."
He stressed that understanding the divine nature of children as literal offspring of God can significantly impact how parents approach raising them. This understanding, he said, should lead parents to focus on nurturing and teaching their children, rather than fixating on their imperfections.
Korth will continue his class on wayward family members until the end of this week. Those interested can find him and his teachings in 2102 LSB on the BYU campus from 11:10 a.m. to 12:05 p.m.