A growing preference for young adults to communicate over text instead of the phone may be influencing the way students prefer to be asked out on a date at Brigham Young University.
A recent national survey shows that many young adults, ages 18-24, prefer to communicate with friends and family through SMS or text messages.
Another study found that increased reliance on digital communication — such as texting — is correlated with greater avoidance of phone calls.
As texting becomes a more dominant form of communication for young adults, BYU students are divided on whether calling is still appropriate when asking someone out or if texting has become the preferred method.
Some BYU students said calling someone to ask them on a date shows more effort and care.
“I feel like it’s more personable and the guy is putting in effort to ask you out,” BYU student Lizzie Gubler said. “I would like a FaceTime … you can kind of read their body language or voice.”
”It’s just more effort, definitely,” Shane Mapes, another student, said. “It kind of seems like you’ve been wanting to ask the person out instead of … you just need someone to fill the spot.”
Some BYU students said asking someone out over the phone also feels more intentional, making the experience more meaningful.
”If you text someone, I feel like it just feels more casual,” Josh Turner, a student, said. “That’s just how things are now, right? With dating apps and everything.”
While phone calls can create awkward moments, some students said the effort makes it worth it.
“If she doesn’t want to, then it does put you both in an awkward position,” BYU student Cameron Bachelor said. “But if she does, then it’s like she sees that you actually really do care.”
Asking someone out over the phone can also reflect cultural expectations about dating etiquette.
“I feel like … from a guy's point of view, it’s a more 'gentleman-type' thing to do that you should call or talk with the person instead of text,” Mapes said.
However, other BYU students felt like texting is a better way to coordinate, collaborate and plan around each other’s schedules than calling.
”I think text because it gives me more time to think about it and respond,” Joshua Hales, a BYU student, said.
“I’m a big texter because I’m busy,” another student, Luke Beers, said. “If you call me at all during the day, I’m probably not gonna answer.”
Megan Dietrich, a student, said date plans are often further discussed over text, making the act of calling redundant.
“When I’ve been called, I don’t answer,” Megan Dietrich said. “And then they just text me anyway, so it's just easier for me to skip that one step.”
Some BYU students also feel that texting gives more control and eases discomfort to the person being asked on a date.
“Personally, I would rather get a text cause that would just feel really awkward, you know if you don’t want to,” Ella Confer, another student, said. “And it's easier to say no.”
“I think they feel more pressured to say yes if someone calls them,” Mara Dietrich said. “They can have a choice if someone texts them.”
“Why are you calling me on a random Tuesday? Like, I’m not about to pick up,” Megan Dietrich said. “Its very polite action, but for me, it makes me feel uncomfortable.”
Despite the difference of opinions, most BYU students agreed that the etiquette of calling or texting others on dates depended on the quality of the relationship with each other.
“If I know them, I think it’s respectful to do a phone call,” Beers said. “If it’s like somebody I don’t know that well, like, I don’t know their schedule, I don’t even want to bother them with a phone call or have an awkward conversation with them, and so then usually just a friendly text."
Though students’ preferences vary, communication habits may be shaping dating etiquette at BYU.
“If I barely knew the person, and they just texted me, I would probably not think much of it,” Mapes said. “If I really knew the person and they texted me, I would think that’s kind of weird, and I would prefer a call because we are closer than that.”