Ask Andie: How can I stop being forever alone?

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*Disclaimer: Ask Andie is NOT a dating column. I welcome questions on all subjects, including dating!*

I have a problem. I seem to repel guys. If there was a picture next to Webster’s definition of “forever alone,” it would be me. Everyone tells me I’m a smart, successful, bright young woman with a killer backside. 

 But I can’t seem to get a date to save my life. How can I change this? All I want to do is eat pizza and watch “The Walking Dead” with a tall, dark and handsome man (OK he doesn’t even have to be dark. Or tall!). Is that too much to ask?
 
Please help me find someone to share my extra large pizza with,
Too young to die alone
Dear Too Young,
The single male is an unpredictable creature. There are men all over BYU campus, but it’s so hard to find the few who really make you comfortable and happy. The difficulty increases when you’re the kind of girl who prefers to spend her evenings watching TV instead of going to dances. The type of guy you want to be with is also in his apartment watching “The Walking Dead” and eating pizza. All you have to do is find him and convince him that it would be even better if you binge-watched your show together!
Sometimes people feel like there’s no point in trying. Girls feel like it should be the guy’s responsibility to make the first move, and guys don’t want to come on too strong or be rejected. My advice to you is that the time to sit and wait passively is over. You know what you want, now go find him. It might take some time, and even a little effort, but he’s out there. He might be the quiet guy in Sunday school whose snarky comments under his breath make you chuckle. He might be the cute guy in front of you in Bio 100 who reads Buzzfeed on his laptop during class. Make eye contact, smile, then look away. Make a joke. Get to know him. Be his friend. Invite him over to watch your favorite show. One season of Netflix will turn into two, then into three, and then before you know it you’re dating! If he needs a little more encouragement, it’s OK to be more forward. Don’t drop hints everyday and then cry yourself to sleep when he doesn’t get it. Let him know you’re interested!
Guys, same to you. If there is a girl you’re compatible with, who you can really talk to, don’t let her get away! Taking an emotional risk is terrifying, but it’s necessary if you’re going to have the life you want.

Readers, what do you think? What are your best dating tips? Tweet @askandie7 or comment online. We’d love to hear from you!

Top Response

Here is the top reader response to last week’s question. We love to encourage conversations with our readers, and look forward to hearing from you! Leave your own comments below, or tweet or email us. 

As you can guess, working at the Honor Code office helps me remember to try and see everything through gospel lenses. Giving up on a past friend does not seem very Christ-like to me. Maybe it should be less about us and more about the friend who is reaching out. Doesn’t Christ accept our feeble attempts at repentance regardless of how many times we mess up?

Let me share a personal example. I have a dear friend of more than 25 years. After marriage, three kids and a subsequent divorce this friend got involved in a same-sex relationship. I continued to befriend her and let her know I would always love her but at that time I did not particularly want her bringing her partner to our family gatherings. The reasons for that decision are not relevant to the point I am trying to make.

My friend was angry with that decision and decided that if I could not fully welcome her partner in to my life that she no longer wanted to be friends. I let some time pass to see if she would soften. Then I started trying to reach out to her and was ignored. Finally after several months I showed up at her home (where she was living with her partner) in an attempt to have a face-to-face conversation. It was Christmas and I brought her a small gift. After some small talk she asked me why I was there, why I was making so much effort. Through genuine tears I explained to her that I would never willingly give up on a 20 year friendship. We had been through way too much together and I loved her too much to let the friendship go. She seemed surprised and touched at the same time. She hesitantly accepted my efforts and then had to work on changing the way she saw our friendship. We are not as close as we once were because our values are no longer the same but we both know that regardless of what we do or don’t do we will always be loved by the other. We don’t have to be best friends any more, but we do need to be “friends” to some degree because that is what Christ would want us to do.

Mayla Slack
BYU Honor Code Counselor

Have questions about school, work, friends, love or impending life-altering decisions? Andie’s here for you. Tweet your questions @askandie7 or email .

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