*Disclaimer: Ask Andie is NOT a dating column. I welcome questions on all subjects, including dating!*
I have a problem. I seem to repel guys. If there was a picture next to Webster’s definition of “forever alone,” it would be me. Everyone tells me I’m a smart, successful, bright young woman with a killer backside.
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As you can guess, working at the Honor Code office helps me remember to try and see everything through gospel lenses. Giving up on a past friend does not seem very Christ-like to me. Maybe it should be less about us and more about the friend who is reaching out. Doesn’t Christ accept our feeble attempts at repentance regardless of how many times we mess up?
Let me share a personal example. I have a dear friend of more than 25 years. After marriage, three kids and a subsequent divorce this friend got involved in a same-sex relationship. I continued to befriend her and let her know I would always love her but at that time I did not particularly want her bringing her partner to our family gatherings. The reasons for that decision are not relevant to the point I am trying to make.
My friend was angry with that decision and decided that if I could not fully welcome her partner in to my life that she no longer wanted to be friends. I let some time pass to see if she would soften. Then I started trying to reach out to her and was ignored. Finally after several months I showed up at her home (where she was living with her partner) in an attempt to have a face-to-face conversation. It was Christmas and I brought her a small gift. After some small talk she asked me why I was there, why I was making so much effort. Through genuine tears I explained to her that I would never willingly give up on a 20 year friendship. We had been through way too much together and I loved her too much to let the friendship go. She seemed surprised and touched at the same time. She hesitantly accepted my efforts and then had to work on changing the way she saw our friendship. We are not as close as we once were because our values are no longer the same but we both know that regardless of what we do or don’t do we will always be loved by the other. We don’t have to be best friends any more, but we do need to be “friends” to some degree because that is what Christ would want us to do.
BYU Honor Code Counselor