Many students express frustration with the dating game. They wonder how to show interest without seeming desperate and how to get dates with those they are actually interested in.
“At BYU, we have pressure to get married from everywhere: wedding magazines, ring advertisements, it’s blatant,” said Shelly Darrington, a comms studies major from Yerington, Nev.
Marriage weighs heavily on the minds of many BYU students, sometimes even on casual dates.
“One flaw about BYU dating is that it is very focused on marriage, which it should be, but it makes it harder,” said Maya Yerman from Mexico City. “However dating is really fun here because of the activities.”
There are many students in the area who are taking matters into their own hands by making online guides to promote better dating skills.
Nathan and Aaron Haines, brothers from Sandy, put their dating advice online for women. It’s called “The Brothers’ Guide to Guys.” This blog features dating lessons which promote effective dating principles.
Aaron is majoring in art history and minoring in business management and music. Nathan is majoring in music and minoring in business management. They owe their dating wisdom to their family, especially their three older sisters who have given them helpful advice throughout the years. A Haines family tradition involves taking out their mother before they take any woman out on a date to set the standard for all future dates.
The brothers’ dating blog was inspired by an experience that happened last year. Nathan and Aaron were living with their female cousin at their grandfather’s house. She was so frustrated by her lack of dates that she complained to her cousins. They offered help and ended up creating a curriculum to help her get more dates. They implemented dating homework such as assigning her to attend Tall Club two times a month to meet guys her height or encouraging her to hang out with her guy friends more than her girlfriends.
It started to work; their cousin had a date every weekend. It got to the point where she was so busy with dates that she didn’t have time to do all her homework. The brothers decided to share their dating lessons on a blog.
“One of the dating flaws that we try to address on this site is that everyone has their own definition of what’s right or wrong concerning dating,” Nathan said. “So it’s this constant guessing game of what the girl is thinking, what the guy is thinking … There are obvious things girls can do to show interest or lead a guy on or let a guy down without breaking his heart. Sometimes girls think they are the fish in this big pool. They are waiting for the guy to come pick them up. But really the girl is the fisherman and puts out the bait and attracts the guy.”
Many women on campus feel this dating pool is an unknown world.
“Dating here is very subtle. You never know how guys feel until the DTR,” Yerman said of the popular “define the relationship” acronym.
The brothers aim to resolve these misunderstandings.
“Girls feel so powerless when it comes to dating,” Aaron Haines said. “There is a responsibility on both sides (guys and girls). Girls can show their interest to guys as well in a way that can improve their social situation. There is so much girls can do to show interest. This blog is to teach ‘fishing’ skills that will change their social situation.”
[pullquote]”Girls feel so powerless when it comes to dating,” Aaron said. “There is a responsibility on both sides (guys and girls). Girls can show their interest to guys as well in a way that can improve their social situation. There is so much girls can do to show interest. This blog is to teach ‘fishing’ skills that will change their social situation.[/pullquote]”
One such lesson is called Blend Theory. This theory proposes that a group of women are much more intimidating than a woman who is interacting with a group of guys. She sticks out and is much more approachable. The brothers suggeset women stop herding around with their girlfriends.
Aaron said he loves to go to art museums with women to learn their viewpoints. Nathan enjoys planning dates in which he and his date can do an activity and converse. He said men bond through activities and women bond by talking. This is why he tries to combine both types of interactions.
The Haines brothers said women stand out with kindness and confidence. Their tip was to smile and maintain eye contact with those one is interested in.
“Girls have no idea the impact of a good smile and eye contact,” Nathan Haines said. “This boosts a guy’s confidence. The ultimate goal is to put a guy at ease and boost his confidence.”
Another site which gives dating help to men is a blog called Proxee Consulting. This site gives advice and provides image consulting and dating reviews.