By Tiffany Meredith
Couples spend a lot of time in our society preparing for weddings, but don''t spend a lot of time preparing for marriage, said Jeffry Larson, a family therapist and professor in the school of family life to an audience in the Varsity Theatre Thursday.
Larson said couples should take time to do an evaluation of the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship before proceeding to engagement and marriage.
'Premaritally, you can adjust, change, strengthen, and work on these different factors, thus giving you a better chance of being happily married,' he said.
Through compiling about 60 years of research, Larson found about 25 specific predictors that will show whether a couple will have a happy marriage. The predictors are comprised of three dimensions: individual traits, couple traits and the context or environment.
Individual traits that predict marital dissatisfaction include anxiety, depression, self-consciousness, or anger. Individuals should work on such things as managing stress effectively before getting married, Larson said.
'Regardless of how good communication skills you have, or your commitment to the relationship - if you or your partner has certain personality traits, or emotional problems that don''t work in marriage - you are still going to struggle,' Larson said.
Differences in opinions can add to difficulties in marriage. Couples may disagree or have strong opinions about things like finances, children, spirituality and conflict resolution. Couples who have similar views on important issues have a better chance of being happy in marriage, he said.
'I''m not encouraging you to marry a clone,' he said. 'That would be no fun either. But rather the more dissimilar, the more challenges you are going to have.'
Larson said the best advice is to proceed slowly, carefully and prayerfully. He also said to evaluate marital aptitude before engagement.
'My belief is people are more rational, more thoughtful, more in tune with the spirit before they get engaged because once that happens it is a big commitment and really hard to back out of it,' Larson said. 'So try to do this when you are in the serious part of your relationship.'