By Catherine Romney
Yelling, grounding, loss of privileges - teens agree it''s deserved when they''re caught lying, but not necessarily deserved for breaking curfew.
A new study, conducted by Laura Padilla-Walker, senior author and assistant professor of BYU''s School of Marriage, Family and Human Development, sought to understand what teenagers think about the appropriateness of their parents'' reactions to their behavior.
The results showed the parents'' actions-yelling, grounding, other forms of punishment- are not what''s important, but whether the teens feel the situation justifies the action.
Walker and her co-author, Gustavo Carlo, professor of psychology at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, surveyed 122 teenagers in the Midwest area, asking them to describe how their parents would react to hypothetical situations and to rate the appropriateness of the reactions.
The study defined moral situations, such as lying and stealing, and non-moral situations, such as breaking curfew or table manners. The results showed teens feel their parents'' reactions to moral situations are justified. However, in non-moral situations, teens feel the reaction is not justified.
'There are clear guidelines regarding honesty, so adolescents may not perceive an injustice in being reprimanded for lying as they would for breaking curfew, which is an arbitrary sanction that may vary greatly from one family to another,' the researchers wrote.
The arbitrary rules that help a household function, such as doing chores or having a curfew, Walker said, are the issues parents and teens will fight over.
'We have clear standards on moral issues that are taught in society, in school and by parents,' Walker said. 'Non-moral issues will be different in every family.'
Joanna Randall, a BYU graduate from Portland, Ore, said while she never did anything too terrible as a teenager, her parents would simply voice their disappointment in her behavior, making her feel guilty.
'At the time, I hated it,' Randall said. 'But looking back, their reactions helped me to grow because they treated me like an adult.'
The study also sought to understand parent and teen reactions to positive situations.
If teens do something morally good, no praise is expected. When teens felt they went above and beyond what was expected, and did not receive recognition or praise, they fostered negative feelings toward their parents, Walker said.
'Parents should try to focus on what their children are doing right and praise them for it,' Walker said.
As a mother of two, Walker has a personal interest in the subject matter-she wants to figure this all out before her toddlers become teenagers themselves.
'Parents have to start early and make sure the child knows that they have their best interest in mind,' she said.
Mark and Robin Harmon, Provo residents and parents of five, said talking about the situation has helped to resolve any misunderstandings with their teenagers.
'Communication is the main thing,' Mark Harmon said. 'Our kids understand the rules, so they know when they do something wrong.'
The Harmons also believe it is important that teenagers deal with the consequences of their actions.
'Parents have a tendency to bail their children out of consequences, but they need to face them,' Robin Harmon said.
Robin Harmon added that if teenagers feel loved and have some level of stability, they will be more willing to communicate with their parents.
Walker said parents and teens need to understand that each is interpreting the situation differently; the key is to be patient, be open and talk about it.
Walker and Carlo''s study will be published in the August 2006 issue of 'Social Development.'