This article is in the Nov. 15 edition of The Daily Universe
In response to Brady Brammer's cell phone addiction letter on Nov. 9, I issue a humble word of comfort: You are not alone in this crippling addiction. Allow me to share Joey's (name has been changed) story.
At 7 a.m. the alarm beeps and Joey's eyelids flicker open. He rockets out of bed to check if there were messages during the night (unlikely, since the phone's chirping rendition of 'When the Saints Go Marching In' is loud enough to wake the dead).
There are no messages.
Joey stumbles into the kitchen and numbly eats his daily bowl of Frosted Mini Spooners, wondering how he will get through the day without that first call.
By 7:30 a.m., Joey is a wreck. His eyes are bloodshot, his nerves are jangled, and he's already eaten an entire bag of marshmallows to keep himself from picking up the phone.
But the 15-minute walk to campus eventually does him in.
Joey, after a nervous moment, whips out the phone and makes a compulsive call to his elder's quorum president.
'Hello?' comes the sleepy voice from the receiver.
Joey relaxes visibly, then hangs up on him. Success.
Brady, you are just one of hundreds of undiagnosed cell phone addicts like Joey all over campus. The difference between you and them is they just haven't found the courage to seek help.
Other readers, if you think you may be an addict, ask yourself these questions:
Do you call your friend 'just to chat' while walking distances of 50 feet or less?
Have you ever had a text message conversation with someone in the same room?
Have you ever answered a call in sacrament meeting?
Do you have contact names like 'Hambone' and 'Lipstick' in your phone, and you don't know who these people are?
If you said 'Yes' to any of these questions, you may be a cell-phone addict. Other symptoms include temporary blindness and deafness, general rudeness and inexplicably looking at the ground.
Speaking of this, I was walking between the Eyring and the Crabtree buildings and saw two guys suddenly stop, turn face-to-face, and then bow to each other in perfect unison with their right hand outstretched.
When I got closer, I realized that what looked suspiciously like a martial arts display was only a cell phone number exchange. I really wanted to yell, 'BOW TO YOUR SENSEI!' like Rex Kwon Do. But I didn't.
Friends, don't despair. If you fear you or someone you love is an addict, you can kick your problem in a few simple steps:
Set a date when you will leave your phone at home all day and commit to it. Have your roommates make sure you didn't sneak it out of the house in your hatband.
- Don't let people use their cell phone around you. If they must make a call, kindly ask them to leave the room.
- Tell your friends, co-workers and family that you're quitting. Make them hold you to it. Supply them all with marshmallows in case you get an uncontrollable craving.
- Try to distract yourself from the urge to make a call by finding a real person to talk to. I'm sure if you stopped by the Wilk Info desk, the nice people would be happy to talk to you.
- Let the battery die. Or better yet, lose your charger. It's a merciless way to go cold turkey, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
In short, Brady, it's going to be okay. Take deep breaths, and keep those marshmallows handy.