By Dallin Lykins
The story of a Georgia woman faking her own kidnapping just four days before her wedding has BYU students and professors thinking about pre-marriage ?jitters.?
After disappearing four days prior to her wedding day, Jennifer Wilbanks finally returned home over the weekend and admitted to falsifying her kidnapping in order to avoid marrying John Mason. Mason claims it was just a case of nerves. However, BYU students and professors said getting nervous before marriage can be a real problem.
?I would be nervous if people didn?t have some little reservations,? said Bill Bailey, 23, a recent graduate in accounting, from Ellensburg, Wash.
Bailey is preparing for his wedding this summer, and said getting nervous is common. However, Bailey said couples can overcome their nerves by taking time to think about why they are getting married.
?A part of dating and marriage is balancing between our strengths and weaknesses,? he said. ?I just think of all those top qualities that make me love .?
Bailey said timing is also important. Couples need to feel the timing for marriage is right for the couple.
BYU professors and bishops also say couples preparing for the big day should communicate well to prevent wedding jitters from getting the best of them.
?You should know each other well,? said Maxine Rowley, a professor of marriage, family and human development. ??Talk to each other and share your feelings.?
Rowley said many things seem new and different to couples preparing for marriage. Different family backgrounds, traditions and values are some of the main issues engaged couples encounter. Couples should discuss these topics and work out any concerns, she said.
?You must be aware of these things, and you have to talk about them,? she said. ?There has to be some give-and-take in every relationship.?
Families will always be different, and these differences can make couples nervous about marriage, Rowley said.
Doug Brinley, BYU religion professor, said problems will always arise, and couples must work them out if an engagement or marriage is going to succeed.
?The main difference between a marriage that works and one that does not is that one couple works through their differences,? Brinley said.
Dean Buckner, first counselor in the BYU 40th Ward, said communication is crucial to successful engagements. Couples need to be willing and able to talk about feelings, concerns and values, he said.
?Sometimes we are not as honest with each other as we should be,? Buckner said. ?Talk to your fianc?e, and get things out on the table.?
If the nerves begin to get the best of someone, Rowley said couples can talk to bishops or professional counselors.
Rowley suggested counseling might have helped Willbanks and Mason avoid their embarrassing situation now seen all over the country.
?If you feel a conflict beginning, you could seek out professional help,? she said. ?It won?t hurt a couple to get counsel.?
Most important of all, Rowley said, is to be loving and patient with each other as the wedding day approaches.
?You don?t have to be alike,? she said, ?but you do need to be understanding.?