By Nick Nelson
For the last few months, it has been my honor to edit the opinion page of this fine paper. What awesome angst courses through the collective veins of this student body!
On this page, BYU students take appalled-ness to extraordinary new levels.
For example, Student A composes a strongly worded rebuke of, say, students who chat it up on cell phones in the library (?I?m appalled at the lack of respect on this campus! As once wrote, ??).
Student B, reading Student A?s letter, is appalled that anyone would get so worked up.
Student B composes an even more strongly worded letter that condemns Student A?s condemnation of the cell-phone chatters (?I am appalled at your closed-mindedness! As once said, ??).
Finally, Student C, appalled at how out of hand all this has become, composes the most strongly-worded letter conceivable. In it, Student C chastises Students A and B for bickering over an issue that, compared to global problems, merits no attention whatsoever. (I am appalled at your selfishness! As once said, ??).
Here, the opinion-page exchange usually stops ? not because students A, B and C stop writing letters (in fact, they redouble their efforts) ? but because the page editor decides a sufficient level of appalled-ness has been reached in this case. So, he ?archives? future letters from A, B and C, securing them in what we in the journalism business call a ?trash can.?
But even before that cycle of appalled-ness has ended, another has begun. Today, it is extreme hairstyles ? tomorrow the evils of Dr. Seuss books. Then, the extreme hairstyles in Dr. Seuss books.
I suppose this is one function of this page ? an outlet for the pent-up indignation we are too polite to express face to face.
But I argue that this campus needs a bit more forthrightness.
Take for example Mr. Headphones-so-loud-in-the-computer-lab-we-all-know-you-love-Clay-Aiken.
On a normal day, Mr. Headphones will go uninterrupted for hours while dozens of students scowl at the back of his head and at each other. Finally, when one of the less-inhibited students has had enough of Mr. Headphones and of Clay, he or she takes action.
?Dear Editor,? he or she types furiously on his or her keyboard. The rest, of course, you can guess.
I was once the scowler/letter-writer type, too. I got no small measure of satisfaction from narrowing my eyes, gritting my teeth and glaring indignantly at the back of Mr. Headphones? head.
But eventually I realized that despite all the extra-sensory demands and threats I beamed in his direction, Mr. Headphones continued to blast Clay as loud as ever.
Finally one day, in a major personal breakthrough, I left my seat, patted Mr. Headphones on the shoulder, and said, ?Hey, your headphones are really loud, man.?
I figured saying ?man? like that would keep things cool between us. It did.
As I returned to my seat and Mr. Aiken faded to silence, I nodded at several other students who were nodding or grunting their approval in my direction.
They seemed to say, ?Thank you, brave soul. Thank you for saving me the trouble of writing that strongly-worded letter.?
And now I say to you, ?You?re welcome. Now go and do likewise, man.?