SUBLIMINAL SIDE OF SEUSS
Chris Perry on November 30 courageously exposed ?How the Grinch Stole Christmas? for the evil communist propaganda that it is . I now feel the need to tell my story of the subliminal attacks I suffered at the hands of those innocent looking Who?s.
After watching the movie a few years back, instead of being filled with a desire to ?Welcome Christmas,? I instead wanted to forcibly overthrow the government. After overcoming this urge, I decided I needed to do some research into the film, and was startled by what I discovered, particularly in those final verses of song in which the giftless Who?s welcome in Christmas (causing the Grinch?s heart to grow three sizes).
The words best expressed as Wa-hoo Dor-e in our English alphabet are not nonsense in a fictitious Who language. They are found in a little known Indian dialect and mean ?revolution?s day? or the day of revolution: ?Welcome Christmas, (The day of Revolution).?
?As long we go hand in hand? the song then goes on to say, but when they say hand the first time, if the tape is watched in slow motion, an M-16 is flashed so quickly it cannot be detected by the conscious mind. In other words ?Christmas day is here at last, as long as we go M-16 in hand.? I made my most startling discovery, though, when I recorded the song and played it in reverse. The tune, played backwards, is nothing more than the Soviet National Anthem. I warn you, watch this film only at your own risk.
SCOTT ALBRECHT
Bryan, Texas
CHRISTMAS HYPOCRITES
I?ve been criticized, scowled at, and nearly beaten. But I think that it may finally stop. I mean, it?s now officially the Christmas season??legal? to celebrate the birth of the Savior. I never understood people?s logic in refraining to decorate, sing Christmas hymns and listen to Christmas music until after the turkey was carved and feasted upon.
Sure, I celebrate Thanksgiving. I?m grateful? for Christmas! I begin listening to Christmas music semi-regularly in May (although it is heard the five months previous as well).
I?m tired of all you hypocrites out there! You complain that the Christmas spirit is only felt during December; and you ask why? Like New Year?s Resolutions that never go beyond the month of January, the Christmas spirit will not be felt throughout the year unless practiced and acted upon! Rules of decorating: on the 31st of October, kick the pumpkin off the porch and light the tree.
RHIANNON BRABY
Channahon, Ill.
SKATEBOARDING: NOT A CRIME
I am extremely perplexed as to the enforcement of the so called ?Honor Code? at BYU. I was on my way home from class the other day when I was stopped by an officer of the law. He motioned me over to his car where he then proceeded to tell me I was in violation of the ?Honor Code? because I was skateboarding on campus.
I had to stand outside in 16 degree weather while he sat in his heated car issuing me a warning. When I told him I never saw any signs outlawing skateboarding, he told me they used to be all over campus before they took them down.
The officer told me that before I came to BYU, I signed the ?Honor Code? which clearly prohibits skateboarding. I must have signed a different one because I find nothing of the sort in the current ?Honor Code?. I asked the officer the difference between skateboarding and riding a bike. He told me it was a matter of liability.
I guess speeding down the hill on the south side of campus without a helmet, narrowly avoiding pedestrians, is much safer than a little scrounge like me skateboarding on the shoulder of the road. It is time for skateboarders of BYU to unite and overthrow the oppressive hand of tyranny.
CLINTON BOWEN
Burley, Idaho
CIRCLE BREAKER
On behalf of all women who have ever felt the word loyalty, I would like to express my abhorrence towards the ?Circle of Life? letter published here on Tuesday, November 30. This word is either foreign or equally abhorrent to the author of the letter. Let me express that while I do not condemn your search for your Eternal Companion, I cannot condone your admonitions.
Your logic that a girl waiting for a missionary will forevermore be an unfaithful party is an evidence of why you have not found that special someone. It is neither your place nor your privilege to dictate the level of BYU fidelity. I do not believe that all girls are incapable of faithfulness, just as I do not believe that all men are as selfishly heartless as you seem to be.
To be a hurt person attempting to be hurtful towards those who know the meaning of devotion is neither benevolent, nor virtuous. In spite of that, there will someday be a young woman who will show you the meaning of devotion and change your mind. In the meantime, I hope you start making yourself worthy of that person instead of encouraging broken hearts.
KATHRYN LAMBERT
Weston, Mass.
ANTI-BOOZE LAWS DON'T COMPROMISE AGENCY
When I first read Al Christensen?s take on loosening Utah?s alcohol regulation , I was a bit taken back, but it makes perfect sense. Lucifer?s plan is to steal our free agency. So shame on the USA for not legalizing heroin, marijuana, cocaine and all of the other illegal drugs. They are stealing my free agency by not allowing me to choose. And who is Utah to say prostitution is against the law. It's my right to choose right?
Okay, forgive the sarcasm but I cant help but remember that , ?President Heber J. Grant, ... President of this Church, ... pleaded with our people against voting to nullify Prohibition. It broke his heart when so many members of the Church in this state disregarded his counsel.? (President Hinckley ?loyalty? Ensign, May 2003) We all know what team he batted for.
That fact is that drinkers don?t simply hurt themselves. Next time one of your friends or family is killed by a drunk driver remember that their free agency was stolen from them, not the drunk driver?s. Check out the stats on drunk driver ? caused deaths as well as spouse and child abuse related to alcohol. If it means that to reduce these problems we need to be more strict on drinking, then I think that?s fine.
MICHAEL NIELSEN
Brentwood, Calif.
SHAMELESS ADVERTISING
I felt metaphorically raped by Tuesday?s ?Kiss-Up to Minute Maid? talent show which violated the sanity of nearly everyone present during lunch hour at the Terrace. The words ?embarrassing?, ?tasteless?, and ?non-consensual? quickly came to mind (and still haven?t left). Yes, I did exercise my remaining free will and departed, but now I ask, is that the best advertising campaign they could muster, or did someone?s Comms 230 project get accidentally promoted to real-life status? I am not an ad/marketing major but it seems to me that advertising campaigns should at least pretend to offer value to the consumer and not consist solely of shameless plugs given by third parties with questionable motives.
Then again, maybe I?m wrong and everyone?s suddenly thirsty for juice while Minute Maid?s sales are now up 500 percent?all thanks to exemplary students who altruistically donated their talents to an underdog company in its time of need.
That gives me an idea: next time, how about we put on a special promotional ?Karaoke Party? for some market-share deprived enterprise like, say, the BYU Bookstore? I?m sure they could use the help.
MATTHEW TURLEY
Idaho Falls, Idaho
SERVICE IN ACTION
Sitting at the table at Thanksgiving Day, I realized that I have one more thing to be grateful for?the spirit of service at BYU. I?m a non-traditional student at BYU (meaning I?m old and have children in college). A round of orthopedic surgeries left me hobbling around campus on crutches.
Every time I stopped to catch my breath one or more students went out of their way and asked if they could help. These offers, which my pride wouldn?t let me accept, were always specific actions and filled with genuine concern?not just being nice to the geezer (my word choice). ?Can I carry your backpack?? ?Let me get that door.? I even had two bulky young men offer to carry me up a flight of stairs?no small task.
I?ve swallowed some pride and would like to give a heartfelt thanks to those students who offered help. During the Christmas break, I?ll have the other foot done. So if you see a geezer hobbling between buildings, stop and offer to help. I?ll try humility and let you assist me, giving someone a chance to be blessed. Watch for those who unselfishly serve because they make the best ?eternal companion.?
RANDY MILLER
Springville
SHORT-SIGHTED FANS
Remember Norm Chow? Remember when many fair-weather, I-want-my-money?s-worth fans cried so loudly, rudely and ungratefully for the firing of Norm Chow after the team had a couple not-so-good years? Remember the pain? ...and all this after Norm Chow had given his soul to the program with outstanding overall results?
What short-sighted, insecure, drink-their-own-bathwater fans these were. Think for a moment... where is Norm Chow now and how did he get there?
Just as Norm Chow moved on and made big waves where he?s been, even so will Gary Crowton move on to eventually cause knee-jerk gutless fans and administrators to remark, ?Wow, Crowton?s really tearing ?em up at good ol? P.U. (or in the NFL)... Oh well, it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.?
Now answer this question to yourself: Who was LaVell Edward?s ?personal choice? to succeed him in his job? Answer: Gary Crowton. What would LaVell do?
We know what LaVell said just a few years ago after administrators made their selection: Gary Crowton was ?my choice.?
Do you think LaVell?s changed his mind since then?
RAY NIELSEN (CLASS OF 1982, 1986)
Beaverton, Ore.
SAD TO SEE CROWTON GO
During the fall of 2001, I was a student athletic trainer working with BYU football.
Many remember this football team for various reasons, whether starting the year 12-0, knocking on the BCS door, or watching Luke Staley run wild in route to winning the Doak Walker award as the nation?s best running back.
I will remember this season for another reason. On the afternoon of September 11th, feeling a bit numb due to the tragic events of the day, I went to football practice as usual.
At the start of practice, Coach Crowton brought the team together, asked us to kneel with him in the middle of the practice field, and he said a prayer for those affected by the tragedy.
Following the prayer, we had a moment of silence, after which Coach Crowton said, ?There are more important places for us to be today,? and sent everyone home. To this day I cannot tell that story without a tear coming to my eye.
Thank you, Coach Crowton, for setting the proper example that day, and many days since. If more people lived life as you do, the world would be a much better place.
Thank you for the memories.
JEREMY HAWKINS
Hines, Ore.