By Stephanie Sonksen
The number of men and women graduating from BYU married is steadily decreasing. The decrease is part of the national trend for students to hang out rather than date, date longer, and delay marriage. Though BYU''s numbers for these trends are lower than the national average, their numbers are increasing.
These statistics, along with others concerning BYU students and dating, were presented by Bruce Chadwick and Richard McClendon at a seminar Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004 through Women''s Services.
An article two and a half years ago in USA Today compelled Chadwick to conduct the survey. Statistics, presented from a national study of females who were preparing to graduate from college, focused on their feelings toward dating. In the study of 1,000 girls, half of those girls reported having less than five dates during their four years at college.
'I thought, ''That can''t be happening at BYU,''' Chadwick said.
Chadwick, a sociology professor, decided to conduct a survey, with help from Richard McClendon, also of the sociology department, as to how BYU students go about hanging out, dating and finding the 'right one.'
They conducted the survey two years ago and had a 73 percent response rate.
Chadwick reported the trend in relationships has shifted from dating to hanging out, though BYU students, on average, have more dates in one month than the average college student has in their four years at school.
'Dating really has become much more casual, and that''s good,' Chadwick said. 'It''s easier. You don''t have to lay your heart and soul on the telephone to have some girl stab you in the back, but it also leaves people more confused.'
Compared to national averages for dating, he said, 'There is a heck of a lot of dating at BYU.'
The study found that male students prefer hanging out because there is no risk of rejection and it saves them money.
Statistics reported the transition from hanging out to dating is accomplished through kissing and having a 'DTR' - a 'define the relationship' talk.
The study also included a list of feelings, events and circumstances that BYU students believe will signal them as to who they should marry. According to the order of importance, 22 percent of men and 29 percent of women seek spiritual confirmation. Others ranked below spiritual confirmation included feels right, feelings of love, compatibility and enjoy spending time together.
'A lot of you people say, ''I don''t know. Tell me. How can I know when I''ve found the right one to marry?''' Chadwick said. 'I was impressed by the amount of confusion.'
Students were also asked to list traits they desired in a spouse. Among the top ranked traits were spirituality, open communication and the desire to have children.
'BYU students desire really appropriate traits,' Chadwick said. 'You''ve got your heads on straight. There are lots of young people at BYU who have the traits that you are looking for.'
He said one of the major trends is delaying the age at marriage.
'Some of those people are going to be 62 and say, ''I''m still just delaying. I''m thinking about it,''' Chadwick said. 'And they are going to die single.'
In the survey, BYU men and women agreed the best age for men to marry is 24. Men reported the best age for women to marry is 22, and women reported the best age for women to marry is 23.
The study shows the reason students delay marriage is because of the fear of divorce.
'They''ve looked around at everything on the media, and they are deathly afraid they will make a mistake,' Chadwick said. 'I want to tell you, you are no more likely to make a mistake at age 22 than you are at 32. After you hit that 18 or 20, you are about as good at picking as you''re ever going to get.'
He encouraged students not to let fear paralyze them.
'There''s a fear factor there, and you''ve got to overcome that,' he said. 'You''ve just got to say, ''Marriage is great, and we can make it work.'''
Additional statistics about dating and marriage were offered to reinforce their encouragement for marriage.
Chadwick said 95 percent of all people marry somebody who lives within a 3-mile radius of where they live.
'Which is why your parents want you at BYU because in a 3-mile radius there are 10,000 people of the opposite sex who are active, who are educated,' he said. 'Your parents would love for you to marry one of them.'
He encouraged students to make the most of their time at BYU by dating as much as possible.
'I''m not pumping you up and saying you have got to get married while you are here,' he said. 'But there are some opportunities that are lost, and you give them up by leaving BYU and not having a relationship blossoming. If you delay, chances are you are going to walk out of here single.'
McClendon addressed the benefits of marriage in general.
'Social scientists in the last 100 years have confirmed what revelations have taught us, that marriage is the thing that would make a person happier and healthier in almost every aspect of their life,' he said.
Cooper Whitman, a 23-year-old student from Oregon, attended the seminar and said he found the statistics interesting and relevant to students'' perspectives at BYU.
'I learned that the average student feels the same way I do about dating and hanging out,' he said. 'I''m personally sick of people being afraid of getting married.'