By Brittney McLaws
When most people think of romantic love, it is characterized by flowers, poetry and a 'How-do-I-love-thee? Let-me-count-the-ways' attitude. It is a little na?ve, however, to think romantic love can be so narrowly defined.
Romantic love hasn''t always existed. It stemmed from the medieval concept of 'courtly love.'
Courtly love calls to mind images of brave knights and fair ladies vowing undying devotion to each other in elegant language-of Lancelot promising his undying devotion to Guinevere at the risk of losing everything.
Designed predominantly for the upper class and relying heavily on poetry and chaste, pure activity, courtly love was expressed primarily through literary works -- poetry and sonnets.
Professor Dean Chatterjee of the Humanists of Utah stated in a press release that romantic love during the Middle Ages came to be associated with illegal liaisons or worship from afar. However, William Shakespeare is long gone and so are the days of arranged marriages and star-crossed lovers.
'There are no set rules for love in the 21st century,' said Michelle L. Casto in her book 'Get Smart.' 'Love is not a game which requires you to abide by rules ... but one thing that has changed the way the game is played is diversity.'
Additionally, the societal roles that limited relationships in the Middle ages no longer exist. People now have the freedom to love when and how they choose.
'Traditions in our society are also becoming de-traditionalized, in that people no longer do things because they have always been done that way,' Casto said. ' ... gives people more freedom of choice to live their lives as they want.'
Another aspect of love that has changed with the times is a reflection of the materialism and commercialism in today''s society.
In the 20th century, romantic love has become a commodity. Chatterjee said as a result of the current consumer culture, everything is meant to be bought. Therefore, this materialistic trend has caused people to attempt to find something sacred in love. Consequently, Hollywood sells romantic love and society buys it.
The sonnets and poetry of the Middle Ages have evolved into the 'chick flick' - the story of an ordinary girl who falls in love with an ordinary boy, and, despite some seemingly tragic conflict, they end up happily ever after. These may or may not be to blame for the idealized concept of 20th century love.
Most men don''t realize that in the 20th century their role in the game of love is substantially smaller. Since women''s rights have become increasingly recognized, girls are taking on a greater responsibility when it comes to love.
'Today, women have a far greater degree of equality,' Casto said. 'Because of this, romantic roles and expectations have changed.'
Although this female role is rarely depicted in the chick flick, it is now socially accepted and almost required for the woman to ask the man out, pick up the tab and make the move.
In many ways, the evolution of romantic love in the 20th century has created a more sensible and realistic view of love.
'Romantic love is not a goal, it is a process; it is not a thing, it is a form of loving,' Chatterjee said. He asserted that love can be an expression of individual autonomy and freedom.
Although expectations, roles and rules have changed, the intoxicating feelings that accompany love have not.
'In modern life, it is a way to access spontaneity,' Chatterjee said. 'It''s a scary thing and an attractive thing, magical and mystical.'