By Mounu Mataele
By MOUNU MATAELE
A common Tongan courtship ritual centers around Christmas.
When a young man in Tonga is interested in a young woman, he follows the Tongan tradition called 'kaati.'
The tradition involves a trip is made to the young lady''s house on Christmas Eve. The young man does not typically make the trip alone.
'Usually, it''s not just one person,' said Lopa Taukeiaho, from Ha''ateiho, Tonga. 'It can be 30 people or more. The young man comes with several family members. They often start singing from blocks away before they come to the house. The girl''s whole family is waiting and they give long speeches to each other as they present the gifts.'
The types of gifts the young man and his family bring for the girl vary.
'Sometimes they take money in an envelope,' Taukeiaho said. 'They put $500 dollars or $1000 dollars. Sometimes they fill a suit case with everything the girl needs: a dress, shoes, perfume and accessories.'
The young woman''s family is then supposed to give gifts in return to the groom''s family on New Year''s Eve. The girl''s family usually gives traditional fine mats worth hundreds of dollars and other miscellaneous gifts such as blankets, food and cakes.
'The more gifts the girl gives, that means the more status the girl has and the more well she was raised,' Taukeiaho said.
The young lady always must give more than she received.
'It''s always beneficial for the young man''s family to give a kaati,' said Tuifua Satini, from Sacramento, Calif. 'The young man will always get more than was given to him.'
The young lady must always give back to the young man or return the kaati even if the interest is not reciprocated.
''Ofa Fusitu''a, the first winner of Tonga''s 'Miss Heilala' beauty pageant, has been the recipient of many kaatis. She agrees the kaati must be reciprocated.
'To return the kaati is a formality,' Fusitu''a said. 'It''s unheard of to not do it. It''s the proper thing to do even if you''re not interested. It''s the protocol.'
When a girl receives more than one kaati, the tradition can get complicated.
'I''ve heard of an instance where a girl received seven kaatis all at once,' Taukeiaho said. 'That means seven different young men brought a kaati to one person. If the girl has seven kaatis, it''s almost impossible for her to return all that.'
What happens then is certain family members can be designated to return the kaati. 'A kaati might be given to a aunt and that aunt is tehn given the responsibility of giving back the kaati. And the next kaati will be given to a different aunt,' Taukeiaho said.
Kaati is a transliterated word that means card. The tradition is considered a sort of Christmas card from a young man to a woman that he is interested in. 'It''s the epitome of a guy courting a girl when Christmas comes to show his true love,' Fusitu''a said.
Although the tradition is not as common today as it was in times past, many Tongan mothers say they hope the tradition continues.
'It''s a nice tradition if it''s practice in the proper way,' Taukeiaho said. 'It''s a lot of fun.'