By Sheree Nixon
For two years, 19-year-old Elizabeth Brockway waited for the judicial system to work.
'The legal process is not easy; it is terrible,' Brockway said.
Heartbreak and heartache are only two pains that have passed during the duration of the trial and time it has taken to get her attacker prosecuted and sentenced. Brockway was raped.
The two years it has taken her to recapture her life is only a part of her efforts. She said that by sharing her story she feels she can empower rape victims and raise awareness for women everywhere about date rape.
Brockway, from Council Bluffs, Iowa, sat Sept. 20 in a Provo courtroom as the sentence was passed on Orem native, Matthew Holman, 22, a former BYU student.
'It was good to get it behind me. I feel a lot more closure,' she said. 'But really, he needs to feel what I feel,' Brockway said. 'To feel the two years of suffering that I have gone through and the suffering I will go through in the future. No amount of physical pain can add up, no jail time will be enough, because emotional pain is the worst.'
Holman was ordered to spend two concurrent terms of one to 15 years in the Utah State Prison for second-degree felony counts of attempted rape and forcible sexual abuse and was also fined $2,500.
'It has taken me two years,' Brockway said. 'It has been a roller coaster, and it will be for years, but I am at the point where I want to not feel shame.'
Despite Brockway''s desire to move on, she said rape is something a person can never really get over.
'I didn''t tell anyone for three months,' Brockway said. 'I didn''t want it to be reported. I was too afraid of him. I felt too much shame.'
After three months, Brockway said she finally told her mom about the rape, and from there her healing began.
'It''s like you have red paint on your face,' Brockway said. 'Even though no one knows, you feel like everyone knows. It''s like, she''s one of those girls.'
Brockway said many areas of her life have been affected because of this experience.
'I was spiritually shattered,' Brockway said. 'I have had to work hard to regain my testimony and faith.'
Socially, Brockway said she has taken a few steps back. She used to be an outgoing person, but now she said she is more cautious about the people she meets and is hesitant to get close, but knows she must work through this struggle.
'I need to get back to where I used to be,' Brockway said. 'I am starting to date again, but it is hard to trust them (men). I only go out in groups, even if I know them.'
Once Brockway was emotionally prepared, she pressed charges against Holman, so everyone would know what kind of a man he was, and so the situation was out in the open.
Brockway said her family was supportive of her taking action and realized it would help her move on with her life.
Her desire is to help and inform women of the seriousness of rape, but also comfort and support those who have already been assaulted.
'I want to encourage other women to come forward,' Brockway said. 'I want to create a network for women for the rest of my life.'
'I want to make a safe haven for women, even if it is just a few people to talk to,' Brockway said.
Brockway said there is a lot of support on BYU campus and that people should feel comfortable going to them for help.
'The BYU police have been so supportive,' Brockway said. 'They take care of people.'
Lt. Greg Barber, BYU''s public information officer, said BYU police are willing and prepared to talk to rape victims.
'We can provide resources to help you,' Barber said. 'We can assist you in whatever course you desire to take.'
Barber said it is in the victim''s best interest to report the case.
'You will have someone to talk to, and we can get the perpetrator in front of the court system,' Barber said.
Brockway received counseling from the Counseling and Career Center at BYU, and suggested women take advantage of this center.
Marleen Williams, a psychologist at the Counseling and Career Center, said counselors at the center are experienced with rape trauma and encourages victims to seek help.
'Some victims find if difficult to access help because they don''t fully understand that they have been raped,' Williams said. 'When they know the person, they don''t realize a rape has occurred, so it helps to talk it through.'
Brockway said she realizes the seriousness of rape and that every woman needs to be aware, especially on BYU campus.
'I know of many women at BYU that have been raped,' Brockway said. 'I wished we didn''t have to have a sisterhood of shame, but a sisterhood of support.'
Brockway offers support and suggestions to anyone who has been sexually assaulted in any fashion.
'Take it (rape) seriously,' Brockway said. 'A lot of people hear about classes, or the rape whistle and make fun of it, but they need to understand that this serious.'
Brockway suggested that if anyone gets into or is placed in a compromising situation, that they make it a point to call someone.
'Make a point of having to call someone,' Brockway said. 'Then you know and the attacker knows that people know where you are.'
Brockway said she wants to encourage other women to come forward.
Even if women feel they don''t want to press charges against their attacker, they should talk to someone, she said.
'The thing to remember,' Brockway said, 'is that the bravest people are the most scared. When you think you are not brave, you really are because the fact that you are still alive makes you stronger and braver.'
Brockway said she feels stronger than when she first arrived at BYU her freshman year.
'I came here and was in la-la land,' Brockway said. 'I was seventeen, everything was perfect and everyone was perfect. And now I see people for who they are. There are up days and down days, but I still feel very blessed to be here.'