Dear Editor,
We are writing in response to the invasion of our campus - namely, the Dork Invasion.
It seems that one cannot even eat one's lunch in peace without being accosted by some well-dressed, power-hungry, resume-inflating personality.
One of these wanna-be important people actually started singing as he passed us his wasted paper full of propaganda and empty promises.
To all these would-be political go-getters, may our words resonate their empty personalities - leave us alone.
To the remaining resume-lacking population, we present you with hope in an otherwise bleak and Covey-shrouded chasm, which we call BYUSA.
First, the truth. These suits-without-substance really are fighting for a position that holds no more substance than the Queen of England - divided by one million. And with the power they have, what do they do?
Well, we are glad you asked. Mostly they make it hard for service-oriented organizations to do anything. We think you may find it interesting that the on-campus club that received the 'most valuable service' award last year was the Sailing Club.
Second, as Master Covey teaches, it is unwise to complain without a solution. So here she is: five letters - CCAMP.
We offer the socialist party candidate two strapping young lads by the names of Lightning Hopkins and T. Jewles McClennahan.
Their platform is simple, and can be paraphrased in the following list: dissolve BYUSA in its entirety; free scholarships for everyone with a GPA above 2.0; less parking; and mandatory quizzes after Devotionals and forums.
Contrary to popular belief, CCAMP is of yet, unofficial at BYU, but with your vote, you can make the CCAMP dream a reality.
Proletariats of the world, unite!
Brady Tanner Dan Bush
Cortez, Colo. Owego, N.Y.