By Joy Simmons
Changes brought by a new baby can put undue stress on a marriage if the couple is not prepared.
BYU is trying to help couples handle the transition of having a baby through a program called 'Marriage Moments.' The School of Family Life, the College of Nursing and Intermountain Health Care are piloting the program in three hospital-based childbirth education programs in Utah County. It began in January and is expected to reach around 800 couples during 2002.
'Couples don''t realize the impact a newborn will have on their relationship,' said Joni Anderson, a Registered Nurse for IHC. She teaches a childbirth class and is integrating 'Marriage Moments' into her lesson plans over the next five weeks.
She said it is good for expecting couples to see how other couples have dealt with the changes a new baby brought to their relationship.
'Marriage Moments' is five brief video presentations about the challenges couples face after their first baby is born. It includes a workbook that guides in-home, active-learning exercises to help couples strengthen their relationship.
Anderson has only used 'Marriage Moments' for one week. She said they would not know how the program benefits these couples until after the baby is born.
'Childbirth educators have very little time, so we designed a program that they could easily slip into their curriculum,' said Tamara Gilliland, 27, a BYU student in the marriage, family and human development masters program in the School of Family Life.
The program stresses the importance of building marriage on a foundation of friendship and partnership rather than emotional gratification, Gilliland said. It encourages couples to nurture their marriage through generosity, fairness and loyalty.
Gilliland said a lot of communication and conflict resolution skills that other marriage programs teach will come to a couple naturally if these virtues are strengthened.
'We talk about, rather than equality, this sense of dynamic fairness,' Gilliland said. 'Everybody contributes everything that they have in unique and different ways according to their time and talents.'
Alan Hawkins, professor in the School of Family Life, said most couples need some sort of stimulation and motivation to try out marriage programs.
He said some churches are now requiring couples to take several months of marriage preparation before they can marry in their chapels. Because of this stipulation couples agree to take the classes.
Hawkins said couples are a lot more likely to take some sort of childbirth preparation course.
'The health care group has a great interaction with new parents,' Hawkins said. 'Hopefully over time we can raise the standard of care to include not just learning to care for your baby but also strengthening the foundation that will be so important to that baby''s well-being over his or her lifetime.'
For a decade now, Hawkins''s research has focused on the father-child relationship.
'At some point you get overwhelmed with the reality that if there is not a good relationship between the father and mother, in particular a stable marital relationship, it is very difficult to have a strong father-child relationship,' he said.
Hawkins said about one-third of marriages that break up, break up in the first five years of marriage, the time when children are entering the relationship.
'It''s a stressful sleep deprived time in which roles and responsibilities change a lot,' he said.
Some break-ups are avoidable, Hawkins said. Through 'Marriage Moments,' he hopes to keep more marriages together.
'We want to get an idea that this program will be of value,' Hawkins said. 'It''s too easy to assume that a good idea translates into measurable positive outcome.'
He said if the program is successful they hope to talk to IHC about incorporating 'Marriage Moments' into other childbirth programs not only through classes but also through pediatricians.
'We want to blanket the earth with this,' he said.