By Mary Deardeuff
I was thinking about my husband the other day. I''m not married, but I was thinking about him.
I wonder where he is right now. Maybe he''s reading this article. He''s probably reading it with some girl. Some cute girl.
He''s laughing, reading along, pointing out things to the cute girl, and cheating on me! When I finally meet him I''m going to ask him what he was doing on this date. I bet he denies it. The jerk.
Anyway, regardless of whoever or wherever he is, it looks like I''m going to graduate single. (Collective gasp.)
I realize I am doing the almost unheard of, especially at this hallowed matchmaking haven, but graduation is looming near and no ring is on my finger. No guy is even in the picture.
I''m okay with this, for I have some options. I can either, a) stick around and go to grad school, b) stick around and work for a local broadcasting company, c) go on a mission and hope to marry my zone leader, or d) go against the norm and try my chances outside of Utah.
But I have four months in which to decide. And four months to try and get married, because didn''t some general authority once say, 'Thou shalt not graduate from BYU single?'
To aid my upcoming quest and to help all unmarried girls at BYU, I''ve compiled the following list of 'ways to get hitched' or better yet, 'The Seven Habits of Highly Successful Bouquet-bearing BYU Coeds:'
1. Study in the J. Rueben Clark Law Building. Didn''t your mother always want you to marry a lawyer?
2. Go to the N. Eldon Tanner Building, home of the Marriott School of Management, and full of potentially-rich guys.
3. Hang around the Crabtree, Clyde and other engineering buildings. The men may be balding, but quite a few are eligible.
4. Take a language class full of recently returned missionaries, fresh from the advice of their mission presidents to find wives.
5. Work out in the Smith Field House. Throw around some weights if you have to, it gets respect.
6. Eat at the Cougareat A LOT, alone, at a table for two, but don''t block the other chair.
7. Set up a scholarship in your name with the Financial Aid office -- full tuition and expenses for school for one guy. The requirements? Marriage.
I''m serious about this, folks. The sad but true fact is that a girl gets more esteem if she''s married by the time she leaves this school, regardless of how well she has done.
For example, my parents have said they probably won''t come to my commencement in April. But, they say, if I were getting married, they''d come out here for sure.
I''m graduating in April with a high GPA in a tough major and two minors. I''ve put myself through school all on scholarships. I feel I''ve contributed to this fine university and have gained a wonderful education. But my parents don''t want a graduation, they want grandchildren.