Opinion: Procrastinators unite!

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    By Nikki Purdy

    It’s about ten minutes before deadline, and since I have been putting off writing this piece, I thought it only fitting to talk about procrastination.

    Procrastination is something students of all ages are familiar with. Every student has procrastinated homework, studying or projects at some time in their life, and if they say they haven’t, they are probably lying. Procrastinators fall into several categories, which I will describe.

    The first kind are the deniers. They refuse to admit that they do assignments five minutes before class or that they deliberately neglected studying for that economics test to hang out with the cute guy in the ward that looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch poster boy. They like to think that they do everything on time or in advance because it makes them feel better, but deep down inside, they know they are just like everyone else.

    The second kind are the braggers. The revel in their success as procrastinators, and they want everyone to know about it. They are the ones you hear while walking through the Cougareat saying that they pulled an all-nighter to write a 20-page paper or that they wrote a 10-page paper the hour before it was due. They are most likely lying. Did I mention that procrastinators are often liars? They also like to exaggerate. These procrastinators think that it is admirable that they wait until the last minute to do anything from a simple math assignment to a thesis paper, when really their boasting is a cover for laziness.

    The third kind are the guilt-ridden procrastinators. They pretend that they don’t care that they have a midterm the next day when they consent to go to the movies with their roommates, but really the guilt is eating away at them. They put it off, but feel horrible for doing it. They will most likely kick themselves for being so irresponsible.

    Then there is the group that I will call the Ashley-procrastinators. I call this group after my incredibly intelligent roommate. These are the kind that have 16 hours of nursing credits but think they should take some more or audit Spanish at 7 o’clock in the morning, just so they will have more to do. Because they spend 12 hours in class every day and they spend approximately one hour eating every day, that leaves them with only 11 hours to write their papers and do their homework. They have so many assignments, they end up procrastinating because they get overwhelmed. Then they lose sleep because there just isn’t enough time in the day to finish everything. These people may be borderline insane.

    There are also sacrament talk procrastinators (This is one of the groups I fall under. Notice I said ‘groups’ because I fall under several). These people purposely avoid preparing for their talks on Sunday, thinking that the Spirit will guide them. They may look up a few scriptures, find a few quotes or locate an appropriate story, but they don’t write anything down. They will get up and just start talking. Some of us are good at this, but I am convinced that I am destined to fail at some point. These people think that they are good talk givers but that doesn’t change the fact that they are just lucky procrastinators.

    At this time of year, the final-exam procrastinators come pouring out from dorm rooms, library carrels and apartments all over campus. They have crammed so much studying into the two or three days they have set aside during finals week that they can only hold information in their brains for no more than 50 minutes. That is why so many people are frantically studying in the Testing Center line.

    And last but not least is that group of males who refuse to buy Christmas presents before December 24th. My brother is one of these. They wait and wait until 10:30 p.m. on Christmas Eve before they venture out to do their shopping, then they act surprised and cheated when all the stores are closed or all the good gifts have been picked over. They panic because they haven’t bought a present for their mom or girlfriend and end up running to Rite-Aid to buy cheap perfume and some wool socks.

    Since I am now one minute past my deadline, I am going to forego the conclusion and end by saying -‘Tis the season to procrastinate. Well, when isn’t it the season?

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