By Molly Stark
molly@newsroom.byu.edu
Alright, I'm going to get right to the point - I don't like cheap men.
Provo is crawling with them.
There's enough of them here to make a movie called 'Revenge of the BYU Cheapos'.
In the words of Aretha Franklin, it all comes down to r-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Cheap men top my list of pet peeves. I once made a list of things I didn't want in a spouse, and cheapness was number one - circled, highlighted, and starred.
Who wants to spend five minutes, let alone eternity, with a cheapskate?
I don't like 'throwing socks at each other in the HFAC.' I don't like 'rolling down hills just for fun.' I don't like 'dressing up in animal costumes and running around Albertsons' (This is an actual story that happened to a friend of mine.)
Let me clarify.
When it comes to meager resources, I adhere to the wise adage 'waste not, want not.'
It really has nothing to do with money though. Boys, it's all in the attitude. We're all in college here. No one has money to burn.
But there is a fine line between cheapness and frugality.
Cheapness is when you go to McDonalds and see the man's eyebrows rise when you order the cheeseburger instead of a hamburger. It's 10 cents more, you know.
It's when you go out for the first time with someone, and they pull out their two-for-one coupons, which have usually already expired.
My friend once had a first date to a comedy club. When they got there, her date pulled out the two-for-ones and made a huge scene pushing his way to the front of the line yelling, 'I got two-for-ones! Two-for-ones over here!'
Turns out they were only good on Friday, but he whined until he got his way.
Cheapness is when your date doesn't have a car, so he sends you to Movies 8 to get the tickets in advance, then asks you to swing by and get him.
Horror story number two: My friend gets asked to Homecoming. He showed up, and asked her to drive to Thanksgiving Point for the dance, and had no plans for dinner, (typical, boys never plan in advance).
He then started chanting, 'No fine dining! No fine dining! I can't handle that!' in response to a few restaurant suggestions by her roommates.
The clincher was when the other couple with them offered 'gas money' and my friend's date said, 'No, I'm not driving,' and the money got tucked back into the other guy's pocket.
I'm not impressed.
The absolute worst is when the bill comes, he stares at it, his eyes start to bulge, and as he grudgingly pays, he asks you what 10 percent of 20 dollars is.
It's not your tithing boys. It's 15 percent, not ten, and we don't want to know about it. At times like this, I excuse myself to the restroom to let him examine his options.
Paying for things on dates is like going in for surgery - we know what's going to happen, but we don't want to know all the gory details.
It makes us uncomfortable. And besides, we didn't ask to be there. You asked us.
I wouldn't classify myself as a high-maintenance girl. My favorite outfit is jeans and a sweatshirt, complete with a ponytail. I get the newspaper primarily for the Sunday coupons. I love a good bargain as much as the next girl.
But, as my Dad always said, 'You can be poor but proud.'
One who has little money doesn't have to broadcast it. It's possible to have class without cash.
So if cheapness is on the agenda, looks like it's going to be a girl's night out.