By Lois Hassell
lvb@email.byu.edu
Women seeking to escape from polygamy face many challenges unknown or not realized by many.
'Often when making the choice to leave, they are told they are leaving their exaltation,' said Douglas White, attorney for Tapestry of Polygamy, a group that offers support for those who leave polygamist groups.
Rowenna Kingston, a former member of the Kingston group and co-founder of Tapestry of Polygamy often heard sayings growing up such as 'the devil will tell you 99 truths to get you to believe one lie,' and 'anything or anyone that does not speak of eternal life will lead you to hell.'
'You just get so confused you don't know what is what and are scared on every hand that you will loose your eternal salvation,' said Kingston.
Having been born and raised within the Kingston polygamist group, it was not until after she had eight children that she began to question the way her life was.
'I just kept thinking, if this is so wonderful, why do I feel so horrible,' Kingston said.
While many groups claim that the children have the choice of growing up to be polygamists, they are continually told that if they leave they will not have eternal life, said Kingston.
When many of the women initially leave the polygamist groups they are initially very confused.
Kingston said she felt as though her whole life had been a lie, but through God she has been able to heal.
The greatest challenge these women face is financial support and learning to be assertive and make choices for themselves, Kingston said.
Kingston said one of the greatest things about her life now is the personal relationship she has with God and Christ, and that she no longer feels she has to go through other channels to communicate with God, as she had been raised to believe.
'The largest legal issue I deal with is trying to get the fathers to pay child support, polygamist are notorious for failing to pay child support, so we usually end up fitting the bill through our taxes,' said Douglas White, attorney for Tapestry of polygamy.
Another prevalent issue White deals with in the cases he handles for Tapestry involves abuse.
'In nearly all the cases I have dealt with there is evidence of some type of abuse, often sexual. There are no laws within the polygamist groups and sexual abuse is very prevalent, there are less inhibitions and they are less responsible for their actions,' said White.
White said that in many of these cases women are property and have no legal rights. They are only there for men to have babies. The idea of a woman having an identity is nonexistent, said White.
Another issue White often handles is that of women and children with no birth certificates.
'One of the first things we generally have to do for these women is get them and their children birth certificates,' said White.
One of the major problems with polygamist groups is the cult like secrecy many of the groups maintain.
There are intermarriages resulting in birth defects from incest. The children are delivered at home. Births and deaths occur with out any record being kept, said White.
In many cases women are not allowed healthcare or prenatal care. Young girls are often made to stay home from school to help tend the many children.
White feels that a new trend is beginning in Utah concerning polygamy.
'There is a new generation of Utahns that won't tolerate polygamy. In the past, cases against polygamist have been ignored, people just turned their backs, even in sexual abuse cases. I think this trend is ending,' said White. 'We had three prosecutions last year, there had been none before that.'
In a recent poll done in the Salt Lake Tribune, 90 percent of those polled said they were in favor of the prosecution of polygamist crimes.
Janice Barlow, who left a polygamist group over 10 years ago said, 'Polygamy was all I knew and saw growing up. It took me a long time after leaving and looking back on it to finally believe it was wrong.'
In Barlow's situation she shared her husband two other women and was the only one who worked.
'It took a car accident for me to realize how controlled I was and how I enabled everyone else around me to not work for a living,' said Barlow. 'I felt as did many of the women feel that since they are sacrificing so much, they are more deserving of eternal life.'
Barlow believes that for many of the men polygamy is a way for them to escape from the real world, much like an alcohol addiction.
'If a man is surrounded by 20 women, the outside world isn't going to bother him very much, or things like taxes,' said Barlow.
While many polygamist claim religious freedom to live the way they do, there has been no case in history allowing polygamy as a religious practice or recognizing is as a religious practice. Just as smoking marijuana will probably never be considered a religious right because it is illegal.
While many tend to lump all polygamists into one group, surprisingly, amongst the many polygamist groups, or fundamentalists groups as they are often referred to, there is little unity.
Each group follows after the leadership of one man they believe is the 'true enlightened one.'
Much like in the 70's and 80's with the LaBaron colonies in Mexico, often any change of leaderships in one of these groups results in a conflict of control-who has it and who doesn't.
Tapestry also offers support for men who are leaving the polygamist life style.
Like everything else in the realized universe, information on polygamy can also be found on the internet. Sites such as www.polygamy.com offer personal ads where those wishing to gain another wife are posted. They speak of love, spirituality, and honesty, a distinct contrast from the histories of those who have left polygamist groups.
'Many people aren't prepared for the reality of the life they are about to engage in,' said Kingston.
The webmaster of this site, Adolf Stankus, a Christian monogamist says this web site was put up for Christian students of the Word who desire to study polygamy.
'Our purpose is to encourage discussion between scholars who truly love the Word of God, have a deep desire to uncover the truth and have the courage to accept God's Word even when it is contrary to their cultural beliefs or cultural background,' said Stankus.