The senate proposal seems doomed to failure because of the skepticism of some of the students. In light of this, I would like to suggest the following modest proposal for consideration.
A student militia would provide distinct advantages over our present system and remedy most of the problems we now face, while implementing the principles of the second amendment. For instance, student unemployment would be virtually eliminated by the draft, and many would gain valuable ROTC experience. Parking violations, I am informed, would be severely deterred and the traffic office would have complete control over crime. Also, I feel that such stimuli would bring new levels of patriotism and school spirit, as no one would move during the two minute observances of the anthem. Most of all, reading newspapers in restrooms would no longer be a problem, and editorial space will be spent on more weighty matters.
Now I assure you that I have no personal motives for promoting such an institution and no desire for such a high position in student government, but only for the general good of the student body and to get my name in the paper.
Raymond Fowkes
March 19, 1984