By MICHELLE NELSON
michelle@du2.byu.edu
Most genders agree that men and women communicate on opposite levels. According to Dr. John Gray's book, 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,' men and women speak differently.
The difference causes conflict between men and women and inevitably leads to relationship problems. Gray's book emphasizes that men and women can overcome communication barriers through learning why men don't talk and why women sometimes talk too much. They can begin to understand each other's differences.
'I was widowed over a year ago, and used Dr. Gray's principles in my wonderful marriage to my soul mate, and am using them in my newly single life,' said Christina Tillotson, president of Mars-Venus Workshops.
'Women seem to be more comfortable than men are with sharing emotions and women's communication styles are often more relational rather than informational,' said Shannon Wilde, a BYU graduate student in counseling psychology from Provo.
According to Gray's book, women need to be listened to and men need to be problem solvers. This causes problems in the gender gap. When men and women become aware of the differences, the gap lessens and people develop better relationships with the opposite sex.
'Often the problems occur when the communication between the two is misunderstood or not understood at all,' said Nathan Pattillo, a freshman from Wetumpka, Ala., with an undeclared major. 'To work out that problem you have to communicate openly and give feedback to the person that you are hearing it from. I think that most of the problems in relationships are caused by a lack of general communication.'
'Men and women think differently, but believing in set stereo types just widens the gap between women and men,' said Xochitl Anson, a junior from Banning, Calif., majoring in English.
'About the time I think men are hard and women soft, I'll find the reverse,' said Douglas Brinley, a professor of LDS Church history.
Stereotyping can plant bad seeds that will continue to nourish negative attitudes of men and women. According to experts, people need to break down all preconceived notions and try to make an effort to communicate feelings and emotions.
'Open verbal communication in its simplest and most plain form possible is the only thing that relieves the problem,' Pattillo said.
'Given the appropriate environment, I believe men and women can be equally skilled at communicating, both feeling and information,' Wilde said.