By AMBER FURST
amber@du2.byu.edu
Following wedding preparation etiquette involves careful planning, consideration and cooperation from both spouses.
Guides to etiquette can be found at bookstores, in magazines or on the Internet. Sites like www.usabride.com list frequently asked questions, duties of each member of the wedding party and tips to saving money.
According to www.usabride.com, invitations should be ordered three months before the wedding and mailed to guests six to eight weeks before the ceremony. Invitations should include the friends and family of the bride and groom, as well as the members of the wedding party and their husbands and wives or parents. Proper etiquette also includes inviting the official performing the ceremony and their spouse.
Alison Cutler, a wedding coordinator who works in Upland, Calif., said Latter-day Saint weddings and receptions stray from common traditions and rules.
'Things like seating at a rehearsal dinner and at the ceremony in a church are not as important for us as Mormons, because our wedding ceremony is performed in a temple,' said Cutler.
'While traditions have their place, people need to rethink how they will handle situations that are less traditional. How does one follow the tradition of having a father walk down the aisle with their daughter when the bride has two fathers? Proper etiquette does not mean sticking to traditions that might make a family uncomfortable,' said Cutler.
Sarah Bryson, a senior majoring in physical therapy from Tampa, Fla. said she thinks that as long as her reception resembles a wedding, her fiance Channen Day will be happy.
'I learned about all the rules of etiquette from my mom. I think as long as someone in the relationship knows about what to do and what not to do, then it's OK,' said Sarah.
'I was taught that out-of-town guests should receive a note a few months before the wedding, a sort of 'reserve the date' note. I learned a lot from my siblings' weddings,' she said. 'Chan and I decided that we'll have a reception in Arizona, after the ceremony, an open house in Salt Lake and another reception in Florida.'
When Michelle Pacheco, then a senior elementary education major, married Joe Penrod, a senior art major, on July 18 last year, both agreed it was good to have one spouse familiar with the etiquette of wedding preparation.
'I grew up in a very proper, traditional home and when it came to the wedding we pretty much followed all the rules of etiquette, thanks to my mom. She knew about everything we had to follow,' Michelle said.
'Joe and I split the 'thank you' notes, where he wrote the ones to his friends and I wrote the ones to my friends. Tradition says that you have to write them even if you thanked the person in person. Mine were done with a month of our wedding, but I don't know about Joe,' said Michelle.
'I learned about etiquette from my wife, which was helpful because I knew nothing. The only thing I didn't follow was the 'thank you' notes so I'd like to say, 'Thank you' right now to anyone I forgot,' Joe said.
According to Cutler, monetary gifts should also receive 'thank you' notes that are discreet, not mentioning the exact amount given. She also suggested mentioning how the money will be used.