By PHILIP VAN DIJK XVIII
A considerable amount of anxiety accompanies me with each new semester here at BYU. This anxiety stems from the fact that I have a strange quirk regarding my grades -- I care about them. So I am always a little nervous about the steep competition that is such an integral part of this school.
To help lessen my anxiety, I always engage in the following activity every time I enter a classroom on the first day of the semester:
First, I scan the entire room and count how many people are in the class. Then I make a guess at how many of these people will get engaged during the semester. Then I unequivocally count them out of the grading curve. Why? Because I know from sad experience that these people's grades will drop to a level just below plankton droppings by the end of the semester.
Now, just for the record, it is not just engaged couples who do poorly. I also count all the people studying for the GMAT, people who may become deathly ill during the year, people whose grandmother may die, people who are auditing the class, people who will be involved in natural disasters, and all single students. I count them out because their poor sleeping habits cause them to either sleep through class anyway or be comatose when they are awake.
Oh, and I exclude all freshman. I figure it will take at least half the semester for them to even remember where class is being held.
Needless to say, by the time I am done with my little exercise, I am the only person left in the class, and I proudly award myself an 'A.'
But I regress. My purpose for this story is to let those poor people who are engaged this semester know that there is a small glimmer of hope. There is one 'silver bullet' that will kill the engagement woes.
Break it off.
Okay, okay, if you choose not to follow my advice and break it off, there are some tips on how to survive the semester. I have put together a list of eight helpful ideas on what to do in case you are engaged and don't intend to break it off.
1) Don't ever plan a 'study session' with your fiance to do homework. It does not work unless you are studying French.
2) Plan sleep into your schedule AS IF IT WERE HOMEWORK or else you will not get any. And you need it.
3) Transfer to another school, any school except for the one your fiance is attending.
4) Move the wedding up to the soonest possible date. Then move it up again.
5) Drop the Marriage Prep class from your schedule.
6) Prepare for the 'Roller Coaster.' Believe you me, Disneyland has nothing to compare to the emotional ride you will soon be experiencing.
7) Keep a journal of your feelings throughout your engagement and realize this is what purgatory will be like.
These ideas are not all inclusive, but please do not take these suggestions lightly. Do not treat these tips like a road map drawn by a blind monk. They are true.
Now, get some sleep.