Dating in Provo: Through the lens of people of color

Students at Brigham Young University, along with a newly graduated alumnus, discuss what its been like to navigate dating in Provo as people from diverse racial and cultural backgrounds.

Provo, Utah, is a populated college town because of the proximity of BYU and Utah Valley University. BYU is known for its unique dating culture and a ring by spring mentality. This dating perspective is often more complex for minorities.

A recent study conducted through data from Opportunity Insights showed that BYU Provo had the fourth highest marriage rate of graduates in the U.S. as of 2014. Nearly all of the colleges in the top 25 were religiously affiliated.

Conversely, this same study found that half of the colleges and universities in the bottom 25 were historically Black and nearly all had student populations of 50% or more Black students.

Dating in Provo is often told from a few main perspectives, but there are many people of color who have their own, sometimes less visible experiences within the broader dating culture.

Kellsie Mena, a junior studying business entrepreneurial management, shared her dating perspective as someone coming from two cultures: American and Mexican.

I feel like it adds another aspect to it. On top of dating someone, I feel like its important to me that they respect my culture and want to learn about it because it's a huge part of my life," Mena said. I think that a lot of people here come from very similar cultures already so they dont have to add that layer.

For many students of color, culture is not just the way they were raised, it is the values, practices and traditions instilled in their daily lives.

The meeting and meshing of these different cultures can be difficult or new to navigate. The dating in the Provo area is often a culture shock to many.

For Taiwan-native freshman, Hung Tsaichun, there have been many cultural shocks since his move to the U.S. to attend BYU.

It is definitely different. Ill say its a cultural difference as well. Especially because Im from a different country. Its definitely a cultural shock and a different dating culture, Tsaichun said.

Taichung explained that he has had an overall positive experience with dating at BYU. He explained that there is often different expectations in dating because there is a different cultural mindset.

For some students of color, dating is difficult to navigate due to the increased focus on culture and heritage. Instead of celebration and appreciation of culture, students say that exoticization and stereotypes can be prevalent.

"Sometimes it can he hard here to find someone who sees me as a full picture instead of a stereotype or culture," Mena said.

Arianna Carson, an Orlando, Florida native and UVU student studying digital marketing, shared her perspective coming from a Honduran-American household.

Culture is something that is meant to be shared and celebrated. I love seeing a whole bunch of these returned missionarieslike, singing Bad Bunny with me, Carson said. I think it only gets weird in the sense of if someone serves a mission in a Latin country and now wants to marry into the culture in a weird way.

Heritage and culture is an important aspect for a lot of students of color. Many are proud of their culture and want to allow others the opportunity to see it and be a part of it.

Several aspects of culture are habitual. Many practices and habits are often ingrained from an early age. The explanation of these habits when dating is another layer of complexity added to the dating experience and is often a new dynamic for many.

Iyawa Brewer, a recent graduate in biology from the University of MissouriKansas City, shared her experience in an interracial relationship. Brewer is Native American with ancestry from the Navajo, Cherokee and Oglala Lakota tribes.

"There's things that he doesn't know. I'm Native, so it's just about learning each others cultures. He learns more about me and my family dynamics and how my family works," Brewer said. "I'm very family-oriented and that's just how I live my life. I think that's different with different cultures or different ethnicities."

Brewer explained that the learning of cultures goes both ways, and that she has received support and understanding of her culture in her current relationship.

My boyfriend is white and he is fully accepting of me and wants to learn more about my culture. He wants to learn about me and support me," Brewer said.

For people of color, dating is a multi-layered experience. There are many aspects that are often difficult to navigate, differences in culture and upbringing being the central aspects.

Through mutual respect and understanding of these aspects, culture and heritage is celebrated amongst students of color and the perspective of dating for students of color is better understood.