BYU faculty address parents' guilt in balancing family, education

BYU social science professors addressed overcoming the guilt parents can feel while pursuing their education in a panel discussion on Jan. 23.

The School of Family, Home and Social Sciences invited professors Lisa Argyle, Cole Hooley and Sarah Reed to answer students' questions on balancing school, life and family.

During the open mic portion of the event, a student asked if the panelists ever felt guilty for not being a stay-at-home parent and how they navigate those complicated feelings.

There's always things that are more last minute than I want because my works been keeping me busy lately, Argyle, an assistant professor in political science, said.

Hooley, an assistant professor in social work, shared what that guilt looks like from his perspective as a father.

I havent ever been asked in my position, Hey Cole, dont you ever feel bad youre not home to raise your kids? Hooley said.

Hooley explained that while hes never felt that pressure, he has felt pressured to work more so his wife could stay home. Sometimes he has the thought, "I need to get another job, I need to do more."

Madison Gordon, a mother studying social work, connected with what was shared.

I like that they acknowledged the guilt because that's something that I feel as well, Gordon said.

Panel members also shared messages of hope. Sarah Reed, an assistant professor of history, shared the comfort she gains from seeing how parenting has progressed. According to Reed, working parents today, spend more time with their children than stay-at-home parents did forty years ago.

Im doing what mothers have always done, Reed said. Providing for (my) childrens physical needs one way or another.

Argyle also said she felt comfort knowing that she made each decision with the help of her Heavenly Parents.

Yes, there are days you can do 'all the things', but also I don't let that diminish the bigger vision of confidence that I know Im doing what Im supposed to, Argyle said.

After the panel, Gordon shared her takeaways from the discussion on guilt.

I would love to be a full-time mom and (do) full-time work, but it just doesnt work that way, Gordon said. So its nice to honor both sides of me and acknowledge I cant do it all.