Ask Andie: Is it possible to stay friends with someone I’ve fallen for?

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Dear Andie,

I’m smitten with a girl who has a boyfriend. How can we be friends without my feelings getting in the way?

Sincerely,
Unlucky in love

Dear Unlucky,

Short answer, from @EthanUnk on Twitter: “You can’t. Don’t even try. This sounds harsh, but it’s for the best.”

Long answer: Feelings are pretty awful. You’re going along fine, making friends, enjoying life and then all of a sudden you can’t stop thinking about a particular person. It’s great if they feel the same way, but if they don’t, there really isn’t anything you can do. You can’t convince someone to like you.

You can try to ignore your feelings and be her friend, but think how hard it’s going to be. Every time you’re with her you’re going to be pining after her, always hoping she breaks up with her boyfriend. You’d be putting your own happiness ahead of hers. What kind of friend does that make you? She relies on you and trusts you, but you’re letting her down. Your friendship isn’t sincere because you can’t be truly happy for her.

My advice to you is to take some time to get her off your mind. You don’t need to sever all ties, but go out and meet some new people so that she isn’t the focus of your life. Once your feelings fade, you can be the friend she deserves, and both of you can be happy for each other.

Readers, what do you think about unrequited affection? What are your best tips to get over someone? Comment below, or tweet @askandie7.

Have questions about school, work, friends, love or impending life-altering decisions? Andie’s here for you. Email

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