Doctor offers tips for families dealing with addiction

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Education Week participants listened intently and asked hopeful questions as Dr. Daniel R. Faber spoke to them about addiction Wednesday morning. He explained the disease and what families can do to help those who have addictions.

Addiction is a chronic illness, Faber explained. “It’s not one you can cure, but one you can keep under control,” he added.

Faber examined the development of drugs, and pointed out that the cascading affect of it seemed to have started after Joseph Smith presented the Word of Wisdom.

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Dr. Daniel R. Faber counsels his class on Pain and Addiction Wednesday morning in the Jesse Knight Building.
“The reason the revelation was given is because there would be designs by conspiring men in the last days,” Faber said. He emphasized the importance and protection the Word of Wisdom can give.

 

 

Faber also stressed the importance of teaching children that using any substance to get intoxicated is against the Word of Wisdom.

“Strong drink should be interpreted as anything you use to get intoxicated, whether it’s legal or not,” he said.

“Because of agency, a family cannot make choices for their addicted family member,” Faber advised. “God gave us our agency. And he is very serious about people who want to remove our agency. He doesn’t tolerate that.”

Letting people use their own agency, and experiencing their own consequences, is an important part of recovering, Faber said. He called it hitting bottom. He acknowledged the difficulty it takes to let loved ones accept their own consequences, but stressed its importance.

“Addiction persists until there are painful and inescapable consequences to the alcohol or drug use,” Faber said, quoting the book, “The Selfish Brain.” He explained that bottoms for people occur in various places such as losing jobs, getting in trouble with the law, their health, or something else. Faber somberly added that some dedicated addicts only reach bottom with their deaths.

“Family members are, however, entitled to their agency (and have a duty) to make their own choices,” he said.

Faber also gave counsel on what families shouldn’t do.

“Don’t allow their addiction to control feelings of self worth,” he instructed. “It’s a lie and a common feeling.”

“If your feelings of self worth are totally dependent on whether the addict uses or not … you will unconsciously protect him from the consequences of his drug use and keep him from his bottom,” Faber said.

Faber advised families to not try to “fix” the addict.

“You can’t be their savior,” he said. “There’s only one person who can be their savior.”

Faber offered suggestions for what families can do. The first is to disengage with love.

“You continue to love the addict, but you back away,” he said. Another suggestion included confrontation interventions.

Positive reinforcement was another technique Faber recommended. He encouraged families to reward non-using behavior, which he demonstrated with this example: “We would like you to come over for dad’s birthday dinner if you’re sober.”

Faber also suggested negative reinforcement with love, which he called the opposite of rejection. He gave another example: “Even though I can’t let you disrupt our family (that wouldn’t be fair to your brother or us) I want you to know that we love you very much and look forward to seeing you when you are ready.”

Referring to the 12-step program for battling addiction, Faber said, “It’s called a modern miracle in the medical world.”

He reviewed the steps in the program and said, “That’s probably why AA works the way it does, because it’s spiritual.” Faber continued by saying the steps in AA resemble the steps of the repentance process.

The LDS Addiction Recovery Program is another option, especially for those who can’t afford to spend a lot of money.

If they are really ready then they’ll do what it takes to get better, Faber said.

“There is hope for the addicted, and this hope comes through the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ,” Faber said, quoting Elder M. Russell Ballard.

Faber concluded by saying, “Remember, the addict was God’s child before he was your child. That addict is going to teach you a lot of painful lessons. But God knows this person; he cares about your children that are addicts. He knows what’s best for them. You’ve got to do what you have to do, but you have to trust God.”

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