As the culmination of his pursuit of happiness course, Paul R. Warner presented a session on emotional health during Monday’s opening day of Education Week.
Warner quoted Joseph Smith saying, “Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.”
Happiness is brought into lives by standing firm in the commandments and continuing on in morality, Warner explained. He quoted a letter written by Joseph Smith saying that God will never institute an ordinance or give a commandment that does not give happiness to his people.
Another key point Warner brought up was having healthy relationships.
“We all need to sit down and say thank you when we have a relationship that is healthy and strong,” he said.
Keeping the commandments and strengthening healthy family relationships was the uniting theme throughout Warner’s class.
He told a story of a woman who had experienced abuse and didn’t know how to break the cycle because she had never known any other way. One of her sons died from a drug overdose, and she knew much of his problems had been caused by the way she had treated him. Eventually she got extensive therapy and wrote to her other children to advise them to seek help.
“We cannot base our conduct on someone else’s failure,” Warner said, quoting Elder Vaughn J. Featherstone. Elder Featherstone is a former General Authority and grew up with an alcoholic father.
One cause of problems in dysfunctional families is that they blame others, Warner said.
“What’s the one tool we use to blame?” he asked. “Anger. Anger is a sin. We use anger to say, ‘I didn’t get what I wanted.’ ” He said we can get over these things if we have someone trying to be emotionally healthy.
Warner listed the characteristics of an emotionally unhealthy person and said, “They are emotionally deaf to your feelings and thoughts of items of importance.” He explained this is because people who have come out of these challenging times do not always know how to sympathize with your feelings. “Number two, they are emotionally blind to your talents, and skills, and successes. It is very difficult for them to say, ‘good job.’ ”
The last emotionally unhealthy characteristic Warner listed was that they are quick to anger. He said, “People who are emotionally healthy are slow to anger.”
He then asked, “So what do we do? What is it that you do as an individual so you can deal with these things?” offered a list for maintaining emotional health and dealing with others.
“I forgive them, but do not expect them to change,” was the first point on the list. He said the key is that the only person you can deal with is me. You need to say that you’re going to be slower to anger and be more sensitive.
“Determine the emotional price that you can pay in the relationship,” he said. “There are going to be times when you can’t handle emotionally, and you’ve got to be wise to know that this is not good for me. It’s up to you to determine the emotional price you can take. You must learn to be thankful for what you do have and what you are in life.”
He continued, “Find ways to strengthen your ability to cope.” He suggested finding time to enjoy yourself and to not worry about everything.
Warner acknowledged that everyone in the audience had something different they are dealing with, and that everyone has to deal with things in different ways. He counseled the audience by saying their problems will be better if they keep the commandments.
Warner stressed the importance of obeying the commandments and the joy that having a family can bring. He recognized that it’s a challenge, but also explained that it was a great joy. He quoted Elder Boyd K. Packer, saying, “…romantic love is incomplete; it is a prelude. Love is nourished by the coming of children.” He stressed the importance of having a family and children and that it can bring great happiness.
“I honestly pray that you can be emotionally healthy and happy,” Warner concluded. He urged the audience to pursue the path that leads to it.
Eighty-five-year-old Nancey Leinbach from Prescott, Ariz., said she has been coming to Education Week for 18 years and loves Warner’s classes. She expressed how grateful she is for the family she came from and how they were loving to her growing up. She said, “I sit here in hurt for the people who don’t have that.”
