Adoption Options About Love

By Lauren Waddell

Giving up one''s own child is one of the most painful decisions a birth mother will ever make. It is also one of the most joyous for a couple who longs for a child.

In the journey, the birth mother must decide who her child''s parents will be.

There are countless adoption resources and services available to birth parents unprepared for the demands of parenthood, for children who need loving and available homes, and for couples searching to add to their existing family.

Whether making the choice to use small private agencies, state services or large adoption corporations, according to LDS Social Services, adoption is about love.

'It is a very loving decision and that is something that I don''t think the general public is aware of,' said Shanna Bake, social worker and program specialist for LDS Social Services in Salt Lake City.

The National Adoption Center mirrors this idea with the logo, 'There are no unwanted children, just unfound families.'

The decision to place a child for adoption or to bring a new child into a home are significant choices that need to be carefully considered and debated on a case-by-case basis, according to Marty Shannon, social worker and program director for the Utah Department of Child and Family Services.

Though the decision-making process can be difficult, there are many available resources to guide the choices that will be made.

Options

There are three main options that birth mothers and couples seeking to adopt will encounter while searching to best match their wants and needs, including small agencies, larger organizations and the state.

There are many private agencies that provide services to birth mothers and adoptive couples. Some focus their efforts on children of a particular race or on international adoptions, while some provide services to those of all circumstances.

All for Love Adoptions, a private agency in Syracuse, Utah, places newborns with adoptive parents. The children come from birth mothers who voluntarily place them. In addition, opportunities for counseling and help with decision-making are provided.

'We go over all their options and they choose whether to parent or place for adoption,' birth parent coordinator Kris Murphy said. 'They have the opportunity to make the best decision for them.'

There are also many larger organizations that serve all the needs surrounding the process of adoption. LDS Social Services is one such organization.

As an international agency that provides national placements as well, LDS Social Services provides a wide range of resources for those looking into adoption.

'We''re just there to help them make a successful decision,' social worker Bake said. 'We educate them about their decisions, help with counseling and grief work, and provide support groups, letting them know they are not alone.'

When the final decisions have been made, only about 26 percent of all women that turn to LDS Social Services will choose to place their child for adoption, according to Bake.

Once the decision to place a child is made, LDS Social Services goes through the entire process with the birth mother, from choosing an adoptive family to delivery to the signing of paperwork to relinquish parental rights.

'There is such emotion,' Bake said. 'It is joy and sorrow mixed in a way that nothing else compares to.'

In addition to working through an agency, every state has a Department of Child and Family Services (DCFS), wherein adoptions can be completed.

Adoptions through the state, however, are slightly different than working through an agency because the majority of states do not deal with placement of children by birth parents.

Rather, children adopted through DCFS are adopted through the foster care system after being removed from their biological parents'' home. The rights of biological parents are then terminated through the courts.

Children are taken from their biological parents'' home in cases of unsafe environments, including abuse, neglect and drug exposure.

' must be willing to take in children that have been abused and neglected and be willing to care for them and help them go back to their families if they can, but be willing to adopt if necessary,' Shannon said. 'It is a really big commitment and real hard emotionally.'

Open v. Closed Adoption

Within the various agencies and organizations that offer adoption services, there are other decisions that will be made on a case-by-case basis, such as the openness of the adoption.

A closed adoption is one in which the birthmother and adoptive parents communicate solely through letters using only first names and are given limited information regarding each other. An open adoption, on the other hand, is one in which both parties know each other''s identities and maintain contact throughout the adoption process and often beyond, throughout the child''s life.

'Adoptions are becoming more open, which is really different than the last 20 years,' Bake said. 'Generally the girls are actually giving the baby to the couple and that is a positive improvement.'

According to Bake, the birth mother may have the chance to see the child even after parental rights have been relinquished. There is no policy about cutting off contact after the adoption is completed.

Most agencies will work on a case-by-case basis, allowing the birth parent and adoptive parents to do whatever they feel most comfortable with.

'There are varying degrees of openness,' All for Love social worker Murphy said. 'We match birth mothers and adoptive families with similar criteria, which includes if they want an open or closed adoption.'

Cost

While there is never a cost for the birth mother placing a child for adoption, costs for couples seeking to adopt will vary from place to place.

Choosing to adopt through a private agency will usually prove to be the most expensive, with costs at about $20,000 per adoption, according to All for Love Adoptions.

When choosing to adopt through LDS Social Services, the cost is 10 percent of the couple''s annual income with a minimum of $4,000 and a maximum of $10,000.

The state Department of Child and Family Services is the most cost-effective means of adoption.

While adopting through DCFS, the cost to couples is limited to that of the attorney, which is reimbursed by the state upon finalization of the adoption, Shannon said.

'Sacrifice is required of all those who choose to take a part in adoption,' Bake said.

According to Murphy, the most difficult part for the adoptive parents is waiting.

'They are not in control of the situation,' she said. 'The birth mother is in the driver''s seat.'

On the other hand, the actual placing of the child becomes the most difficult part for the birth mother.

'It doesn''t make it easier, even if they know it''s right,' Murphy said.

Whatever final decisions are made regarding where to go or how to complete the adoption, according to Bake, the rewards are significant.

'It is really draining and emotional, but also very spiritual and sacred,' Bake said.