By Briana Hallstrom
*1. Where do you usually shop at the mall?
a. Banana Republic
b. American Eagle
c. Anywhere that has sales
*2. What”s your favorite TV show?
a. “Trading Spaces”
b. “American Idol”
c. “Fear Factor”
*3. Do you shave your chest?
b. I”ve thought about it
c. Why would I shave my chest?
*4. Collared shirts should always be:
a. Tucked in
b. Whatever”s comfortable
c. When you say collared…
*5. When I do my hair, I:
a. Style it with products
b. Use products only for church
*6. In question #5, I:
a. Wondered what type of products they were talking about
b. Figured it had something to do with gel, or maybe a comb
c. Had to read the sentence twice to figure out what “product” meant in that context
*7. When I stain my shirt in a restaurant, I:
a. Immediately go to the bathroom to get it out – stains last if you don”t!
b. Get annoyed because I had just done my laundry the night before
c. Don”t notice it”s there
*8. Britney Spears is:
a. A tortured soul
b. I could take or leave her
*9. Who would play you in a movie?
a. Brad Pitt in “Ocean”s 11″
b. Antonio Banderas in “The Mask of Zorro”
c. Robert Redford in “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid”
*10. My magazine collection includes:
a. “Entertainment Weekly”
c. “Sports Illustrated”
*11. Clothes are supposed to:
a. Enhance and reflect your personality
c. Cover you up
*12. My favorite movie is:
a. “Return to Me”
b. “Pirates of the Caribbean”
c. “Dude, Where”s my Car?”
*13. On “Friends,” I relate most to:
*14. My girlfriend”s apparel is:
a. Almost as put together as mine
b. More put together than mine
c. In a whole other league
*15. Bravo”s “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” is:
a. A great opportunity for ideas
c. What”s Bravo?
Hi, my name is Joseph, and I am a metrosexual.
All right you sassy American boys, stand up tall because you are definitely a metrosexual. You style your hair, enjoy chick flicks even when not entertaining a chick, and always dress for success. The only foreseeable problem lies in that you just might end up being prettier than your girlfriend. So when you do find the right girl, just make sure you part your goals (and hair!) on the same side.
Hi, my name is Joey, and I am a heterosexual.
All right you clean American boys. You may not be coordinating your shoes to match your shirt, but you know a good “look” when you see one. You enjoy taking walks in the park with your sweetie, but you also enjoy big strong manly chores like chopping wood. You”re the quintessential all-American boy, and – hot dog! – you wear that flag well.
Hi, my name is Joe, and I am an unclean heterosexual.
All right you unshaven, dirty boys. Take a shower occasionally and start realizing that sexy cowboy image does not excuse you from a little thing we like to call soap. So put on an outfit instead of those hole-infected jeans, and actually run a comb through your hair. The “dirty rotten scoundrel” look my have worked for Robert Redford, but Robert Redford, you most likely, are not.