Top 10: The real, exciting sports stories of 2003

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    By Michael Hollingshead

    Ahh, yeah. It”s back.

    I know you”ve all missed it over the break, but now it”s returned to help you through the bitter days of winter – and it”s improved. You may not notice the differences, but they are there to help you enjoy your Top 10 reading experience.

    Without further stuff, let”s get to the bottom of it. Let”s hear the real Top 10 sports stories of 2003.

    10. Intramurals are, well, just as hilarious as ever. The infamous Jeffrey LaBelle Lee (full name necessary so no unfortunate assumptions take place) promised a football championship, but came up short. However, after a fan poll, Lee registered 76 percent of the votes for Intramural Player of the Year.

    9. Rugby players are officially tough. Though the average going public may go unawares, these hardworking student athletes put in the overtime even if they don”t get as much attention as the football or basketball teams. You”re thinking, why is this guy giving props to the ruby team out of the blue? I”ll tell you why. Last night, outside in the death cold, the rugby team practiced and drilled in the snow. That”s commitment.

    8. Push-up contest winner tests positive for Lik-a-Stik sugar substances. In the year of drug testing (isn”t it always that way these days?) one of the biggest controversies on campus was the annual push-up contest. In an unprecedented move, push-up officials, which consisted of three or four freshmen and a graduate assistant, tested the three top competitors after the event. The champion was stripped of their 5 percent discount to the Cougareat and the event was officially ended forever.

    7. Some elder”s quorum president hurts someone else while trying too hard to rebound a basketball. We all know that this has happened more than once. No serious injuries were reported, just annoying looks.

    6. Someone complains about something unfair on campus in relation to sports. For the first time since athletics were introduced on BYU”s campus, someone got upset about them. Details are still sketchy, but the complaining party seemed pretty upset.

    5. In another unofficial poll, it”s reported that 59 percent of the Daily Universe”s Top Ten lists are really stupid. The poll was sketchy.

    4. BYU Alumni go mad. With an overload of post-BYU aggression, three former BYU students spend 17 hours straight shooting each others” guts out on the latest James Bond video game. Their girlfriends dump them.

    3. Roommates hold contest to see who can get engaged to the most amount of girls before the semester ends. OK, I know this isn”t exactly sports, but who does this? Honestly. I figured it needed to be included in this article, especially if it did happen. There are some 70,000 students here in the valley so I”m sure some sick people have tried this one.

    2. After LSU and USC split the national championship, public outcry calls for a real championship game. Citing reasons including, “We don”t care,” and, “If it doesn”t benefit me personally, we won”t do it,” the NCAA committee turns down the idea. However, after extensive debate, they declare the real national champion to be the Internet. According to their stats, the Web was No. 1 wire to wire.

    1. Archery club is formed; members disband after rumors of non-compound bow fighters protesting the organization. Actually, I”m not going to touch this…especially if it”s true that there is an archery club. I guess they would be called the Arching Cougars or something clever like that.

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