By Michael Hollingshead
Thanksgiving is over and so is football.
There are only two things on the mind of discouraged Cougar fans right now: Christmas and basketball.
Well, not to be outdone by the Football Team”s Christmas Album, I”ve conjured up a little holiday spirit, rock-to-the-hole style.
However, please forgive the clich?d idea, it was simply too irresistible. The words go to a certain holiday tune.
Begin music now.
In the first game of the season, Coug Mike Hall gave to me: a monster dunk on national TV. (Okay, it wasn”t on national television, but it should”ve made SportsCenter.)
In the second game of the season, Ra-fa-el gave to me: two beefy biceps and a Mike Hall dunk on national TV.
In the third game of the season, the Cougars gave to me: three men in ties (the injured Ricky Bower, and redshirters Josh Burgess and Derek Dawes), two beefy arms and a monster slam on national TV.
In the fourth game of the season, BYU will give to me: one four-year starter (Mark Bigelow for the kids who are keeping score at home), three men in ties, two massive arms and a super-sick dunk on national TV.
Five games into the season, the Cougars will give to me: FIVE PLAYERS IN DOUBLE FIGURES (Here”s my prediction: Haffa gets 21, Bigelow 16, Hall 18, Lemes 12, and Rose 15), one four-year starter, three slick guys, two ox arms and a nasty dunk on national TV.
Six games into the season, Woody will give to me: six smooth steals, FIVE PLAYERS IN DOUBLE FIGURES … one four-year stud, three handsome devils, two chunks of meat and an alley-oop on national TV.
In the seventh game of the season, Jake Shoff will give to me: seven blocked shots (come on, it”s possible), six smooth steals, FIVE IN DOUBLE FIGURES (this time Shoff will replace Rose, giving him a nice day in the field), one four-year starter, three well-dressed ballers, two huge rockets, and a 360 windmill on national TV.
In the eighth game of the season, the Cougs will give to me: Austin, Marc and Terry, seven stuffed shots, six pockets picked, five in double figures, one four-year starter, three looking pretty, two flesh masses and Hall”s secret dunk on national TV.
Wait a minute, hold the music. That last one doesn”t work.
Austin Ainge, Marc Roberts and Terry Nashif have nothing to do with the number eight. Well, that may be true, but I”d take the three of them over any eight guys on the Utah”s basketball team any day.
Hmmm, seems like a weak stretch, but we”ll take it. Back to the music.
In the ninth game of the season, Cougar Garner Meads will be: nine months off the mission … or ten, I”m not sure … Austin, Marc and Terry, seven blocked shots, six sneaky steals, five players above ten, a four-year starter, three sleek studs, two guns of steel and a highlight-real dunk on national TV.
In the tenth game of the season, the Cougars will give to me: 10 broken ankles (of the opponents, of course, after some crossover dribbles), Meads nine months off, Austin, Marc and Terry, seven Shoff blocks, six Woody steals, FIVE PLAYERS SCORING BIG, four-year Bigelow, three in suits, two Haffa arms and Halls latest dunk on national TV.
In the eleventh game of the season, the Cougs will give to me: 11 Lemes assists, 10 broken ankles, nine months for Garner, Austin, Marc and Terry, seven swatted shots, six when they”re sleeping, FIVE BALLERS BLAH BLAH BLAH, a four-year stud, three stylish dudes, two massive triceps and a dunk over three guys on national TV.
On the twelfth game of the season, the Cougars will give to me: 12 Mike Rose three pointers … You know what? I”m done. You get the idea, and I”m sure you don”t want to read through that boring list again.
Jared Jensen, you da man.