Single and feelin’ the pressure

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    By Jill Mendoza

    Though it may appear to many students that everyone is sporting a wedding ring, the majority of BYU students are single, according to recent statistics.

    According to statistics gathered by the Applied Technology Services, a total of 29,598 daytime students, ages 18-26, were enrolled at BYU for the Winter 2000 Semester.

    While 78.5 percent of students were single, only 21.5 percent of students were married.

    Cynthia Doxey, an LDS Marriage and Family professor on campus, said many students in her classes have experienced or recognize the pressure at BYU to get married.

    Some students feel they need to get married while at BYU or they will never have another chance, she said.

    Ryan Rowan, 23 a junior from Lindon, majoring in Spanish said he feels some pressure as a student at BYU to get married.

    With friends all around him getting married and bishops in BYU student wards always mentioning marriage, there can be some pressure, Rowan said.

    Rowan also said an obvious age stereotype exists at BYU when it comes to marriage.

    “If you get to a certain age (and you’re not married),” said Rowan, “you’re considered to be not doing the right thing.”

    “Sometimes people think you’ve got some kind of social problem or you’re stereotyped as too picky,” Rowan said.

    Doxey said while she thinks pressure to get married at BYU exists, she doesn’t think it is the BYU culture that puts the pressure on when someone is single.

    “I think there’s a little bit of pressure we place on ourselves,” Doxey said.

    In her LDS Marriage and Family class, Doxey said they discuss both the inside and outside pressure students feel concerning marriage.

    Doxey said inside pressure includes ideas like “Time is marching on…I’m graduating in April, this is my last chance. I’d better take the first one that comes along.”

    Outside pressures include the reality that everyone around you is getting married or having people ask why you’re not married, Doxey said.

    Doxey said it is okay to feel pressure to get married, as long as it is the right kind of pressure.

    Doxey said if students feel like a loser because they are not married, that’s the wrong kind of pressure.

    The Women’s Services and Resources on campus host a number of seminars on self-esteem, which can help students dealing with the pressures of marriage.

    Beth Spresser, a marriage and family therapy graduate student, said in the month of February, Women’s Services and Resources host at least four relationship orientated presentations.

    “(The presentations) discuss the elements of building who you are without thinking a relationship is the only thing to make you happy,” Spresser said.

    Spresser added that these presentations usually get a pretty good crowd.

    Another outlet that can be a support when it comes to the pressure of marriage is counseling.

    Full-time students can receive individual, relationship or marriage counseling free of charge at the Counseling and Career Center at 1500 WSC.

    Doxey said students should not feel bad about themselves if they’re not married and they shouldn’t feel the pressure to marry the first person that comes along.

    Doxey said she is older and single, but she knows life will move on.

    “If I were to say to someone who thinks they need to get married before they leave BYU, I’d say ‘No you don’t,” because life is a lot more than this,'” Doxey said.

    “So go and do the things that will make you the best you can be and while you’re at it, strive for marriage.”

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